Something Borrowed

Chapter 46: Handle

 "Have you and Nathaniel talked about getting married again?" Daphne asked, taking another bite of ice cream from her pint sitting in her lap.

I shrugged. "He has brought it up a couple times since Catalina's baby shower," I said, digging my spoon deep in my pint. "But I feel like I'd be taking advantage of him," I said softly, sighing. "He could start over with someone-have a family-the family I took from him, you know? This isn't just about me, Daph. I can't let him give everything up to save face for the company. My mistakes should not be his."

"Have you asked Nathaniel about what he wants?" Daphne asked tentatively. I bristled, shaking my head slightly. I didn't want to know what he wanted. I was scared it would be the same thing I wanted.

The man who couldn't look away, who saw everything, who saw how sorry I was, could want me. And that terrified me.

"You cannot ignore him forever," Daphne reminded me as I groaned, setting my ice cream on the table, glaring straight at her.

"You sound just like Rafael right now," I whispered. "He told me the same thing."

"It's okay to miss Rafael, Astoria," Daphne said, scooting over so our knees brushed. "Would you be happy?"

I nibbled on my lower lip, thinking about all the times I'd asked myself the same question. Would I be happy?

"I think Nathaniel and I know everything we need to about each other to be happy," I said softly.

"But would you be happy?"

I pursed my lips, my heart hammering in my chest as I looked around my penthouse in Paris. I look to my piano that I played once for Nathaniel. I look to the window, where we shared many glasses of champagne, when things were simpler. I look to the kitchen, where we fell in love. I look to the staircase up to my office where Nathaniel had placed priceless books when I moved in. And last, I looked to my trembling hands that knew the answer before my mind did.

I couldn't get my mouth to form the words as I nodded my head.

"Then why are you so hesitant to accept his offer?" Daphne asked, unconsciously fingering the wedding band on her ring finger.

"The first time we were married, I went in with my heart," I said softly, focusing my eyes on the orange sky. "When I married Rafael, I went in with my heart," I continued, pausing. "My heart makes me do things that aren't in my best interest. This time, I want to go into a marriage with my mind, not my heart. I want to know its best. I want to go in with no reservations."

"Could you see him with someone else?" Daphne asked. I didn't respond. "Astoria, you and he both know that one of you needs to get married. Could you sit back and watch him marry someone else?"

"Nathaniel can do whatever he wants," I said nonchalantly, ignoring Daphne's eye roll.

"If he showed up tomorrow evening without you on his arm, would you be able to control yourself?" Daphne pressed.

I bristled. "He is allowed to go with other girls," I said dismissively.

"I dare you to call him and tell him you have a different date," Daphne said with a sinister smile.

"Who would I go with?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Amberly and Livingston are separated right now because she is in Australia, why don't you invite him to the function? I hear he's in Paris for a case," Daphne said with a smirk.