Finding Me (Sequel to Ava,The World, and Niall Horan)

36: My Person.

****

“I don’t know she’s just napping all the time,” shrugged Alicia before hearing my footsteps.

I’m surprised she hasn’t realized that her voice carries; and thats me being polite for saying that she talks loud as fuck.

I was sitting in my bunk reading a book. I’m guessing she didn’t check to see if I was still sleeping or not.

“-Don’t worry too much, she should be fine soon; She’s taking medicine after all...”

I am? What medicine.... The only thing I take is Xanax sometimes and it does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

“But I told you not to!” I heard her screech in a whisper.

....Well that was quite the turning point.

I stayed in my bunk and moved slightly up to hear her better, but the only way I would get a clear hearing of it all was to get out; that thought would end up having her fidget around the bunkroom and eventually leave to the bathroom and pretend she’s not hiding something and reporting my where abouts and the things I do to other people.

Trust me. It’s happened before and she’s not the most discreet person out there; whoever asked her to take care of me like a babysitter obviously didn’t bother with making sure she had the secretive trait to pull it off.

I hear her ask the other line if they were still on but nothing happened.

I was about to jump off my bunk to hang out around when my phone rang.

Niall.

I haven’t spoken to him since the first  tour show. That was a month ago.

I should really start getting better at this long distance thing.

“Hello?” I finally answered. I heard something drop outside the curtain and I couldn’t help but smile a bit. It was probably Alicia dropping her phone.

“Hey!” said Niall happily, “ How have you been?”

“Good, everything good,” I lied. If I told him  I had no idea what was wrong with me, he’d come down here and make sure I didn’t relapse.

“Great, so I’ll see you soon then, ya’ll are in Brighton, right?” Niall asked.

Wait what?

...Nialls supposed to be in London not this far south....

“Are you coming to visit soon or....?” I asked.

“I’m on my way to the bus, we had to stop recording for a week because of something that Zayn had to take care of so we have some spare days. I figured I could use mine for something useful.”

“Oh,” I said with a little perk. I was something useful.

I liked the sound of that.

“Well yeah,” I said, “ we’re going to be in brighton for a while. We’re staying the weekend and then we’re heading back to Bristol for a quick signing.”

“perfect, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Niall asked.

His pitch raised an octave slightly; the only clear sign I’ve noticed over the years that he was excited.

He did the same thing before a tour premiere, at MSG, When we asked me to meet his family in Mullinger, when he said started his best man speech at Greg’s wedding.. when he first said ‘I’m an Uncle’ when Theo was born ...and when he told me he was going to visit me in Chicago when I was thrown into this life.

“Yes,” I said with a customary smile.

You know that moment when you just get so used to a person, that they become your person. They just become that person you are at your 100% honest with and don’t feel as if you have to hide certain parts of your personality with them. You know you can playfully hit them, make sexual innuendos, look like the worlds biggest shit, talk the biggest shit ever, and you never once have to doubt their affection for you.

Niall is my person.

Or at least he was.

Nothing’s wrong, but nothing’s exactly right either. Where are my butterflies? Where’s the giddying excitement about his visit? Where are we as a couple?

His visits, his calls, my calls back, the texts, and the messages; they’ve all become customary.

Not exactly something you want. Why don’t I want him to take care of like I would have loved before?

If he found out about a possible relapse a year ago and tried to help me through it, I would feel important and happy and everything all over again, but all I feel like is a burden and a responsibility. Not like a choice.

“Okay then,” he said. I snapped back into reality and pushed my worries aside. Aside meaning until I hang up, “I’ll see you later. I love you.”

...Was I supposed to reply?

“I love you too,” I said customarily.

Did I just lie?

*****

"Hey," I said with a smile as I went to hug Niall.

Maybe all I needed was to see him again. Its the first time that I thought I didn’t love him anymore; Once I thought that but then I saw him again and all my feelings came flooding back right away....

'Come on feelings,' I thought while hugging him even tighter, 'Come on down; the waters fine in the shit-place that is my mind.'

"I missed you so much," Niall said while kissing my forehead.

"I missed you too," I said while smiling.

I knew I missed him. There wasn’t a question about that; I'm not really even sure what the question is. All I know is that something is different, and changed us, but I have no idea what it was.

I grabbed his hand and it swung in the air for a while.

I'm not sure if I missed Niall, or if I just missed having someone.

Or maybe I was simply over thinking it all.

A/N: Hey guys, I know it's been so long! Please forgive me, I was caught up on schoolwork (Just started my sophomore year ^-^ ) and everything got a bit lost in the mix. I will most defently will start writing more, and I finally figured out some loose ends that were bugging me about the story outline I have in my head.

Update by next Friday. Promise!

Fridays will be our new days :)

Xxxxxx-Daniela