The Island Girl's New Beginning Book 2

Chapter 37

Oh what's this right here? My long awaited update. Okay okay. Make sure to comment and like. I don't know how I feel about this chapter but I hope y'all like it. Well I know y'all will. Lmao. Also, the next few chapters I'll be doing a Q&A cuz I know y'all like that because that shit be LITTY✨

Kai POV

I sat quietly in the car as he pulled off from the pick up point. The car was silent with only the air blowing through the vents that could be heard. This feeling was all too familiar to me, a case of deja vu. I was in a state of shock because I didn't see this breakup coming. I'm guessing no one did because Terran looked just as shock as I did. As though he didn't want to say what he did. I can't believe he felt that way.

Everything was fine just a few days ago, how can this happen to me. I'm starting to believe that something is wrong with me. This is a personal failure, when I thought I was ready for a relationship; I wasn't. I basically played myself. And him. I went from being in a disturb relationship with Travis, which messed up my mental, thinking everything was all well and good.

Getting rid of a kid because of how insecure I was and what people would think of me having a child with a man who basically played me right in front my face. Being in a state of depression and taking him back put a toll on me. Dreaming that same child taunting me, day in and day out. 

I went straight into a relationship with G with baggage of my past, unsolved problems which weren't fixed, causing even bigger problems. Not being able to see my worth and treated like shit. Getting cheated on by someone you love was the worst betrayal.

The results of this now ended relationship between Terran and I. It's nothing but MY FAULT.

Having the fear of Terran treating me like my exes did, I was blind to the fact that he wasn't them. It was all too unfamiliar for me. Being treated the way a woman was suppose to.

He was prefect.

The sorrow of heartbreak is not just about loss, but about self doubt. Rejection in a breakup makes one turn against ourselves, beating ourselves up. The inner fighter in me knows that beating myself up like this is wrong, but it's involuntary.

I was never the one and he was wasting his time.

Why is everyone abandoning me? The whole reason why I ran away is to get away from them before they can leave me. This is an intense self inflicted onslaught of emotional crisis.

I turn my head slightly to get a good look at G as he drove but I couldn't help but wonder. What if I told him that T and I broke up and he thought less of me? What was the cause of us breaking up? One of his many questions I'm sure he'll ask.

My answer; me. It was all because of ME.

"You wanna go get something to eat before I drop you off?" His husky voice cut through the silence in the car.

Not being able to speak, I simply nodded my head in hopes of him seeing that. The thought of my insecurities that drove my partner away was eating me away on the inside. I'm too ashamed to even speak and I haven't even told anyone about the situation. It was my lacking, inadequacies, faults, deficits and my negative behavior that made me unworthy of someone's love.

His love.

Maybe this is my punishment, eternal aloneness for these shortcomings. This alone is proof that I'm not 'attachment worthy'. It was easy to see that I was lacking a certain power to hold anyone's love for me. If that wasn't the case, why would anyone would throw me away?