Mine

Chapter Forty Five

Dirk narrows his eyes and hangs up. "It went to voicemail. Maybe I should just go see him in person."

"So you can scream at him?"

"Yes." I laugh at him and he throws his arm around my shoulders. "I'm going to give him hell Dave."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"It won't increase your chances of getting me his kidney." Dirk lets out a frustrated sigh and I slide my arms around his neck. "You don't even have to yell at him, I can tell how mad you are at him. I know you're going to look at him differently now. I know you're done putting up with his bullshit. We could just ignore him forever."

"That wouldn't be right."

"Don't be the voice of reason. He deserves to suffer." I nuzzle Dirk's chest and lean my weight on him until he starts to fall back onto the bed.

"I'm angry at him, and so are you. But we have to move past it and be the bigger person." I snort at him and pull away to laugh.

"When have I ever been the bigger person Dirk? I'm a brat twenty four seven. I'm not getting past it. I don't care if you do, as long as you don't start feeling sorry for him again."

"I won't. But cutting him out of our lives isn't fair to him or mom. We can be civil at least. Well, at least I can." I snuggle back up to Dirk and let my head rest on his chest. I can hear his heart beating slow and steady. He's calmly thinking this out. He wasn't thinking too calmly before. I'm glad he is now. I have to figure out how to avoid what gets him going. I've never seen him so un-calm before. Maybe it has something to do with me. He freaked out more because of me.

If I'm physically hurt it makes him really angry, same goes for emotionally. But physical hurt upsets him more it seems. Maybe because it's more permanent in this situation if I don't get a new kidney soon. Or maybe it's about how my hurt will effect or lead to certain problems. Like not having a kidney messes up more of my life I guess than having daddy issues. I shiver at the thought. I never thought I'd be one saying that. My issues with my father aren't bad enough for that train of thought. I already got over them in a sense. I mean I still hold a grudge against him, but it doesn't hurt me now or really in the future. I guess it is all about the effects of the pain.

"What was that shiver for?"

"I'd rather not think about it again." Dirk wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.

"I have a gig tonight." Bless him for changing the subject. "It was planned a while ago, but I don't have to go if you need me."

"Of course I need you, but go. I'll have you when you get back."

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"I'm sure. Your not giving him any more money right?"

"Of course not."

"Then go earn money so we can move." There's a little sigh from Dirk and I actually feel bad for bringing up moving again. "We can wait a few years if it makes you feel any better. As long as you're eventually going to move in with me in California I don't mind waiting."

"I don't need a few years. I need about a month and then we can start looking for places, ok?"

"A month?"

"Yes. I should have my finances in order by then."

"I promise once I get started out there you won't have to worry about bills."

"I'm not worried about them." I tilt my head to look up at Dirk. He meets my gaze and raises an eyebrow.

"Living there is expensive."