Mine

Chapter Fifteen

"We have to talk, and I don't want to."

"Talk about what?" A slightly concerned look over takes Dirk's face.

"Don't look so concerned it isn't bad."

"You have a serious look on your face, you don't get that too often."

"Well there's a lot I want to talk about. But clearly sex is the most important right now." Dirk's eyebrows furrow.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want to."

"Now that isn't true, I just-"

"Need to shut up and listen for two seconds." Dirk lets out a tired sigh and nods. "I really think it's like an embarrassment thing ok. It embarrasses me and I don't like that. It's not that I don't like sex, or that I don't trust you, or that I don't want to. It's sort of because I'm embarrassed. So, you can do what ever you want the next time and I'll be nice and let you."

"Dave-"

"That's the end of that conversation. I refuse to carry it on. Now, I have few other things that aren't as immediate."

"What are they?"

"When I graduate, how am I going to get a job? Wouldn't I have to move to Hollywood?" Dirk thinks for a second.

"I don't think you have to. If you get a job filming out there you can still come back and visit me whenever. You would just stay in a hotel there."

"Wouldn't it make more sense to move out there?" Dirk nods slowly. "So then I should, but what about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What happens to you, to us?" Dirk shrugs.

"What ever you want to happen I guess."

"But what do you want?"

"I want to be with you, but I don't want it to effect where you live, your job, or your future in general."

"I want to be with you more than I care about making movies Dirk."

"Which is what I don't want." Dirk sighs and tightens his arm around me. "I want you to be a director and live that dream you always had. Being with you is a bonus."

"But I need you."

"And you'll always have me." Dirk kisses my nose. "I promise. Now stop worrying about the future, let it come to you naturally."

"Fine."

"And stop trying to bring it up all the time. Even if you don't say it I can see it in your eyes. Your thinking about it and neither of us know what it's going to be like."

"Doesn't that mean all the more reason to worry about it?"

"No. It's not here yet so we don't know what we're going against. You could be worrying about nothing."

"Or I could be worrying about everything." Dirk sighs and shakes his head.

"Don't be difficult Dave." Dirk brushes my hair away from my eyes.

"But it's so hard." I whine. Dirk smiles and closes his eyes. "Are you tired?"

"A little bit."

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"How can you be tired it's not even late."

"I had a busy day."

"All we did was skating for an hour or two."

"Watching TV like this makes me sleepy."

"Why?"