Mine

Chapter Forty

The darkness is just as scary this time as it was before. I was expecting it to go away and it just be like I was sleeping. Dirk said I shouldn't be as aware, but what does he know. There's plenty of times I know I'm crying because I feel so alone. I'm worried I'm never going to wake up, and that scares me. Being under like this doesn't feel right. I honestly feel like I'm dying most of the time. It's definitely the worst feeling I've ever had. This time there's less pain, which only makes it worse. I'm so numb I can't feel any part of my body. If there was ever a way to break someone's spirit it's this.

When I finally break free of the darkness I'm not alone. My mom is by my bedside, and so is my father. The first thing out of my mouth is where is Dirk. They only notice I'm awake because of that question. My mom leans forward and takes my hand. It's a struggle to not roll my eyes. This is such a cliche scene in every single movie or book out there. "Mom please, where's Dirk?"

"Home I think. He feels responsible I guess. He was worried about you and I guess he just figured it would be better to stay away."

"Oh." I guess he really is going to stay away, just like I asked. "When can I go home?"

"I'm not sure." I let out a sigh and rub my eyes.

"Can you call Dirk? I need to talk to him."

"Um, sure." She seems unsure and nervous. Maybe I shouldn't be over waking up in a hospital so soon. But all I want is Dirk. My mom leaves me alone with just my father in the room. As soon as she's gone he turns toward me.

"Dirk said you wanted to move back in with your mom and me, and I know it's not because you actually miss me or for the benefit of your mother. Dirk's a great kid, I would know. He's helped me out a lot over the past few years. I don't know what happened between you two, but I know Dirk cares about you. A lot. So please Dave, don't make your brother suffer over some little fight." I raise my eyebrows at him. I'm trying to figure out what he means by Dirk has helped him out a lot over the past few years. I wonder if maybe he's been paying him money. I mean Dirk does make a lot of money, but it always seems like he doesn't have a lot. I guess they were closer than I though.

"At least when I was home I wasn't treated like a little kid."

"Don't you realize that's how Dirk shows he cares? Dave he baby's me for gods sake. There's gotta be something wrong with him, but I'm not complaining. He helps me out a lot. What ever he does for you is because he thinks he's helping. You should know by now he's a little bit of a control freak." I'm honestly surprised my father knows Dirk so well. I kinda already knew this about Dirk, but it didn't click until he said it out loud.

"I'm not mad at him. Why else would I want him here?"

"Probably because he's know more than your mother and I. I'm not stupid Dave. I know Dirk is always on top of everything. Especially when it comes to you." Again I'm surprised he knows so much about Dirk. But I want him here so I can apologize too. My mom comes back in before I can explain it to him.

"Dirk said he'll be here soon."

"Okay." My mom sits down again.

"So how are you feeling? The doctors say they gave you a lot of pain medication."

"Yeah probably too much." She frowns.

"What do you mean by that."

"I feel numb, and it sucks."

"But it's good, your not in pain."

"You don't understand either." I look away from my parents and I can hear them sigh.

"I don't know what's wrong with you son, but you better snap out of it. You went out to California and came back as a city snob. Before that you were reclusive, but this is ridiculous. What's the matter with you?" I roll my eyes and continue to ignore them. I know I don't really have any reason to act this way. I just felt more appreciated in Hollywood. Well maybe not appreciated, but more respected? Maybe it was just that nobody treated me like a child out there. My parents always have treated me like a baby, and then Dirk started. It's frustrating I guess.

"Can you just leave me alone too?"

"Dave! I-" My mom starts, but my dad cuts her off.

"We'll leave." My mom doesn't argue. She just follows him out. I kinda feel a little bad. But there's only so much babying I can take before I go crazy.

"Your not rude at all today."

"Huh?" I turn and see Dirk leaning in the door way. "You were listening in?"

"Dad saw me in the window reflection. I guess he thought it'd be better if we talked. You know, before you and mom got into a huge argument that you would definitely feel bad about tomorrow."

"Stop knowing me." I put my hands over my face.

"I don't want to." Dirk gently pries my hands away from my face and holds them. "Dad's right you know, in some sense. You are being... different."

"Rose says it's because I'm not good at keeping secrets."

"Uh..."

"She flew out to see me when I was being an ass and ignoring everyone."

"Oh." He looks relieved. I'm about to shatter that.

"I told her." Dirk tenses up, but I consider it a good thing that he didn't drop my hands. "Your mad?"

"I don't think so. Rose isn't going to say anything as long as your happy right, and she wouldn't say anything to Roxy either. Or at least I hope so. Maybe it's a good thing you're getting this out." Dirk slowly pulls his hands from mine. "It'll probably help you move on now."

"Move on?"

"Well yeah."

"So you moved on with Jake? I really was a rebound."

"No! No that's not what I'm saying." Dirk leans back in the chair and runs a hand through his hair. It doesn't look styled. That's odd. "No I thought you were over us."

"Oh my fucking God Dirk! No! Not even close to being over you. I'm just so tired of-"

"Being treated like a kid? I didn't realize that's how you felt I treated you. I like driving you places and controlling the finances and paying for your shit. It's what I'd do if we were a married couple Dave. I'm not treating you like a child, or at least I'm not trying too." It's definitely a new out look on things now. I see where he's coming from, but still I don't like it.

"You know I'm weird about things Dirk."

"I know. But can't we make a compromise? I want to be able to do something for you, if we're going to get back together."

"Sure. I just never gave you the chance to explain what happened with Jake. So explain." Dirk looks taken aback and for a second he doesn't respond.

"Jake came over and I was missing you. I wanted to make being with him the same as being with you, but it didn't work. Then I thought, since you said we couldn't go back to the way things were before, I would at least try to make things go back to the way things were before. I wouldn't be able to stand not seeing you. I had to at least try."

"So you started it?"

"Yes, I initiated it and I'm sorry. If I could take it back I would, but I can't. I completely understand if you can't accept that, and it's perfectly fine if your done with me. Please at least consider us again." Dirk leans forward and grabs my hand. He's watching my face intently. I'm pissed off he started it, but he said he was hurting. I was tempted to do the same thing, but with Terezi. Thank god I didn't.

"You didn't enjoy it right?" Dirk snorts and tries to hide his smirk.

"No Dave, it was horrible. Nothing like you and me."

"Then I guess I forgive you. Now cuddle me." Dirk rolls his eyes at my outstretched arms.

"I'm glad you forgive me, but no cuddling now. You'll be home in about three days. We can cuddle all you want then."

"Good." Dirk does give me a hug and kisses my forehead before he leaves. I lay back in bed and try to get comfortable. Three more days aren't so bad if Dirk is planning on visiting. Plus it doesn't sound so bad on the account I am starting to feel again and my leg really fucking hurts. My ribs do too, but on a smaller level. It's just a quick sharp pain as I breath, but my leg is constant pain. I refuse to be put under any longer, but I welcome pain medicine even though it makes me drowsy. It makes the three days go by a lot quicker when I'm mostly unconscious, and this time it's not the same awareness as before.