Breaking In {BTS In School}

33. Uncertainty

**** Song: Fine On The Outside by Priscilla Ahn. From the movie When Marnie Was There, one of my new favourite Studio Ghibli movies.
An angst song to relate to a young YeongMi (ha ha, young yeong) ****

After that catastrophic love incident, YeongMi and Namjoon quickly retreated back to the house, promptly going into separate rooms without another word.

The air between them was uncomfortable and awkward.

While YeongMi wasn't sure what had happened, Namjoon was cursing himself for even bringing it up. Love.

He wasn't in love, of course. He had just wanted to know if there was a possibility of him being exactly that in the future. And, if so, could she possibly be as well?

But it would ruin him. If she didn't let him help soon, he'd have to jump off the ship before he crashed. Even if it would be one of the hardest things he would ever do.

And forcing himself not to fall in love was, in fact, one of the hardest things to accomplish in his life. It more often than not failed miserably for anyone who ever tried it.

Could it be different for him? Would he be the lucky one?

While Namjoon joined the boys to distract himself, YeongMi retreated back to the beach, a notebook in hand, her phone safely tucked in her pocket, playing a particularly sad playlist.

Oh, the woes of an angsty, misunderstood teenager.

If luck ran her way, she would be able to write and doodle as she pleased, listening to music to fuel her deepset self-pity.

Luck never ran her way.

A tap to her shoulder, and YeongMi was looking up to see Bora and Soma staring down at her expectantly.

She didn't even bother taking out her earbuds.

She didn't give a shit what they wanted. They wouldn't get it.

"I'm busy now, can I ignore you some other time?"

And with that she turned back to her drawing.

A few more incessant taps later, and she was ripping out her earbuds - never a good sign - and standing up, soon towering over them.

"You have about 5 seconds to get the fuck out of my face before I throw you into the damn sea."

Soma flinched back, but Bora bravely - alternatively, stupidly - stay put, staring up at YeongMi with a steely gaze.

"I don't care how big you feel, I won't be threatened by a no good slut bag like you."

"At least I own up to it."

Bora looked confused, and YeongMi smirked.

"You're like the first slice of bread. Everyone touches you, but no one wants you."

Bora gasped, stepping back and clutching her heart dramatically.

YeongMi took a step closer, leaning down closer to her.

"That's right. I'm not buying the whole virgin act. From what I've learned, you seemed to be quite a hit back in China. Hey, nothing wrong with that. Unless you lie about it."

Bora gulped lightly, and Soma looked shocked.

"Playing the virgin card because you think it makes you more desirable? Really? You know, usually they don't actually wants a virgin. They just like the idea of it, being the first. They still expect you to be experienced, even as a supposed virgin. So tell me, do you pretend to not know how to suck a dick, just to make it convincing?  Or do you blow your cover? Literally."

"What's going on over here? Is it a girl fight? Hoo, girl you made a mistake, I've never heard of YeongMi losing a fight - "

"For God's sake DK, shut the fuck up."

YeongMi turned to find her brother and his friends.

Immediately, her stomach settled back into it's spot, no longer torn up with a storm of uncertainty.

Her brother was here, nothing could bother her too much anymore.

"Y-you know Seventeen?"

"I'm Soma, YeongMi's friend, so nice to meet you all, I'm a big fan!"

YeongMi stiffened as Soma's elbow precariously lay over her shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me, you nasty mayonnaise container." She jerked away quickly, and Soma looked embarrassed, quickly allowing Bora to pull her away.

"Hey, sis - hey, YeongMi."

YeongMi looked around to see if Namjoon or the others were out.

The coast was clear.

She quickly hugged herself to Seungkwan.

Surprised, his arms were awkward around her. Even so, she closed her eyes and leaned down to rest her head on his shoulder.

"So, we're childhood friends, right?"

YeongMi hadn't even had to ask Seungkwan; he knew she didn't want the others to know their relations.

She felt bad for the request, but grateful that he understood.

With this hug, she hoped he knew that she didn't regret knowing him.

He was still her best friend, even if they hadn't talked for months.

He would still always be her big brother.

"Love you, loser."

With Seungkwan, she didn't mind him saying those words.

More than anyone, she trusted that he meant it.

And she meant it too.