Breaking In {BTS In School}

71. Unwanted

**** Song: Fragile by Gnash featuring Wren, because even if YeongMi denies it, this relates to her oops ****

YeongMi lay in bed, pondering her past and everything that had happened to make her the bitter bitch that she had grown to be.

Seungkwan had always been the better, the favourite - she was never mad at him for it, though. However, that's not to say that there wasn't insult buried deep within the feelings that YeongMi suppressed.

Years of being overlooked and outshined by her radiant brother was not something that YeongMi enjoyed. She did not blame him, but there was a time that she envied and resented the fact that he was better.

She was ashamed of it, but it was true. How could she not, when her parents so blatantly stated their favouritism daily?

She wished she could just forget everything.

Do you know how much pain I'm in?

~
"Seungkwan, you're our greatest gift, we love you very much, and we're so proud of you!"

YeongMi felt ashamed that her heart felt so heavy during her dear brother's 12th birthday party.

"What am I, mommy?"

But her question was ignored.
~

Do you care?

~
"Seungkwan, can you teach me how to be like you?"

Seungkwan looked at his little sister, disturbed. "Why would you want to be like me?"

"Because you're better. Maybe, if I can be like you, mommy and daddy will love me, too."

Guilt began to suffocate Seungkwan. He was well aware of the way their parents brushed her aside, and he hated it. So he swore to love her enough for all of them.

"I like you, YeongMi. I think you're perfect."

"Honest?"

"Honest."

But she wasn't.
~

Can you even comprehend it?

~
YeongMi grew lonely without Seungkwan, her only friend and comfort.

But, hope bloomed in her heart when a young American girl was assigned to take care of her.

Her name was Amelia, and YeongMi had quickly ordered the woman to be her friend.

"Miss Ko, what shall we do today?"

"Amelia, I've told you already. We're friends, call me YeongMi." The nine year old twirled in excitement. "No, even better, we'll have nicknames!"

"And what shall they be, miss?"

"Well, let's see," YeongMi bit her tongue in concentration, a habit that her mother had struggled to fix for years. When she got it, she snapped, "you'll be Mel, and I can be Yeo, okay?"

"Okay, Yeo!"

YeongMi felt happiness surging in her chest.

"How dare you talk to the young mistress so disrespectfully!"

YeongMi never saw Amelia again.
~

Would you even try?

~
After that, YeongMi threw a fit and stopped speaking to everyone.

She blamed herself for losing her first friend.

Did she not deserve to have friends?
~

No, you won't help.

~
"For once in your life, can you just be complacent?!"

The ten year old girl threw a lamp at her door in response.

Her doorknob rattled; it was no use, as she had locked it, even going as far as to push her bed in front of it.

"Why are you so difficult?!"

"Leave me alone!"

"God, I can't believe I spent 7 months of torture just so you could give me another 10 years of it!"

The tears seemed to burn lines down her cheeks.

She vowed to never cry again.
~

Would you even try?

~
"You've really done it now, miss Ko."

YeongMi haughtily strutted past her maid, shrugging.

"They'll send you away."

But that's what YeongMi wanted.

She needed to get out of this suffocating pretense before she asphyxiated on fake smiles and hidden distress.
~

Can you take my pain away?

~
"How could a child of mine turn out like this?"

YeongMi pretended not to hear her father speaking to his business friends.

She pretended not to notice the substantial stack of empty soju bottles, and the way the women stared at her father in inappropriate ways. She pretended not to notice how he allowed them to.

"She's a nightmare, I swear I've aged thirty years because of her."
~

Can you end me?

~
"What are we going to do about her?"

"At this point, keeping her around isn't going to help the image. She's destroying everything we spent years building."

She was refusing to lie, and thus ruining the image of their perfect family.

Wouldn't it be easier to just continue pretending and avoid all this trouble?

YeongMi didn't know anymore.
~

Is it too much to ask of you?