Breaking In {BTS In School}

63. Desolation

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Song: Big Bang: Let's Not Fall In Love. You should watch it, it's really cute and sad. ****

They should have seen it coming.

YeongMi should have seen it coming.

But despite having her suspicious sights on Bora, even she didn't suspect it.

So it wasn't hard to imagine the immense shattering that she felt when she walked into the classroom to find Bora's lips attached to his face.

She was kissing Namjoon. By god, she was kissing him. And worse, it looked like he began to kiss her back.

YeongMi felt humiliated as she pressed her books to her chest tightly, her arms tensing up in despair.

How stupid, delving into feelings that she had no business getting into. Foolish, believing in love. It was a childish fantasy that she would never take part in again.

Her eyes burned because of her unwavering stare, and tears pricked in the corners, pooling up until they delicately trickled down her face and streaked across her cheeks.

Her heart splintered, fracturing and puncturing itself as she felt her chest concave.

She only saw Namjoon and Bora, focusing on them and making herself oblivious to her friends, who were trying to lure her over, away from the doorway, and away from the sight that made her veins go cold.

Her ears were ringing as thoughts assaulted her mind, struggling to block out the hideous scene in front of her.

'Told you so, told you so, told you so. You can't trust a soul.'

She should have known better. To think, she had begun to hope again. This was a perfect reminder to stop those foolish ideas.

Her heart felt mutilated, mangled, destroyed and abandoned. She was diminished to nothing. Despair clouded her mind, for once keeping the anger at bay.

She was appalled, and desolate.

It felt like time had stopped, and yet she had been staring for an eternity before the two pulled away. Bora sported a smug smile, while Namjoon looked confused and lost.

As soon as Namjoon's eyes met hers, YeongMi turned away, struggling to stride out with squared shoulders and her head held high.

She would never let them see her so dismayed. No, she was going to hold tightly to her illusion; it was all she had left. She would never appear vulnerable. She would never be weak.

But Namjoon seemed to want to make it harder for her, as he chased after her, quickly grabbing her arm.

He had the nerve to look shocked when she jerked it away so violently that she stumbled into the wall.

"YeongMi, what - "

"Don't you fucking dare ask me what's wrong. If you really don't know, then that's the biggest problem."

He looked alarmed, whilst she was doing her best to glare away the leftover tears. She used the back of her hands to wipe away any evidence of her previous weakness.

"Look, she came onto me - "

"Oh, wow, and that makes it better. Come on, you're not that stupid, I know it."

"What do you want me to say?"

"You don't get a pass. I thought you chose me? Not Bora! Make up your damn mind!"

Namjoon finally seemed to regain his emotions, and YeongMi wasn't so sure if that was a good thing. "That's not fair! You don't see me yelling at you when you're getting close with Hoseok!"

YeongMi gritted her teeth, wanting nothing more than to scream and break everything in her reach. "That's bullshit. Hoseok likes Jessica and everyone knows it. Besides, I was never swapping saliva with him."

"Oh, but you certainly did other things."

"Dancing does not count as sex, asshole."

"It can get pretty close."

"And you never complained when it was you I was dancing with. You're an ass. I made it simple and told you, if you're going to get involved with Bora then I'm not doing anything with you. And you looked pretty goddamn involved."

"Well, it's not like we're dating?! You never let me in. You never tell me anything, or share anything with me. How can I choose to be with you if I don't even know you?"

YeongMi didn't know what felt worse, walking in on Namjoon and Bora kissing, or hearing him utter those charged words. She thought she had earned more than that. "You don't know me? Really?"

"No, I don't. I wanted to help you, I did! But you never let me. You push away anyone who could possibly help you. Shit YeongMi, what do you want from me?"

He 'wanted' to help. She guessed that meant he didn't care anymore.

Well, good riddance, she thought bitterly.

"You're right. You obviously don't know me. I thought, for a second, that maybe -" she let out a painfully soulless laugh, "but no, I see it now. I don't want anything from you."

As she walked away with wide shoulders and a stiff face, she slowly felt herself go numb.