Breaking In {BTS In School}

62. Futile

**** Since wattpad won't let me add songs to the media, this is the best I can do.

Song for the chapter: Monterlude by Rap Monster ****

The truce that had arisen that night at the club was crumbling.

Bora was slinking her way into Namjoon's affections, pushing YeongMi away and clawing holes into their unstable friendship with perfectly manicured nails.

Of course, Bora wasn't the only one to blame. After all, Namjoon was letting her flaunt him around, not doing a thing to stop her, despite the fact that her actions, and words, were screaming that they were involved.

And, of course, YeongMi was far from innocent. She could simply be frank with Namjoon and end it all, be it by having Namjoon to herself, or being able to let go of the hope to be with him.

Her pride stood in the way of that, and the years of convincing herself to keeping her emotions under lock and key. It was going to take more than a potentially fleeting feeling to break down concrete that she had spent years and years building up from her anguished suffering.

Memories of being used and broken screamed at her any time she felt the urge to speak her mind. It was brutal really, because the part of her that wanted to connect always seemed to be drowned out by her fear and hatred. It controlled her, and ruined her, just like the memories that it stemmed from.

The best she could do had already been done, the night Namjoon had told her that he wasn't interested in Bora. That was as close to confessing as she would get, and apparently Namjoon hadn't seen the feelings behind her words.

So they were all to blame, but only saw the fault in others and not themselves. And thus, there was little hope for the problem being resolved, because none of them fully understood it. After all, they were just a few kids who each thought they had the world figured out.

YeongMi did try her best, but she let Bora's small victories discourage her, and soon she was far too angry to do anything but mope and plot revenge. Pride and Wrath seemed to consume her.

Maybe if she just let go of her hatred for Bora and focused on her.... affections for Namjoon, the situation would be looking far better.

Namjoon wanted to reach out, but he had no idea what YeongMi was thinking, and she scared him a little. He had no way of knowing what her move would be, and the uncertainty was something he didn't enjoy. She made him nervous, and as he felt he had already been rejected by her, he was desperate to maintain any leftover pride that he had. Pursuing her was a risk that that he didn't think he could afford, as it was futile in his eyes.

YeongMi didn't want to seem weak, and she didn't want to put herself out there only to be disappointed. It haunted her, the overwhelming fear of disappointment. She didn't want to disappoint him, and she didn't want him to disappoint her.

She didn't want to overestimate anything, so instead she thought lowly of everything, thus never allowing herself to hope for anything. This helped her avoid disappointment, but it also prevented her from experiencing potentially profound things.

She was stuck in her ways, and she didn't think it was even possible for that to ever change.

And Namjoon was beginning to think the same, as he let himself take the easy way out. He chose to do nothing, because he thought it was the safest thing he could do. And despite despising himself for it, he continued letting things happen the way that they did.

And things continued as they were.

And everyone was unsatisfied.