Breaking In {BTS In School}

70. Again

Incoming call from Loser

[Accept]                     [Decline]

YeongMi lazily brought the phone to her ear as she lay back on the bed. Her cheeks still stung, every chuckle at her expense was like a slap to her face.

"You rang, what an honour."

"Mi, don't get mad, okay?"

An uneasiness settled in YeongMi's stomach, and she sat up, dread filling her to the brim. "Well, that's not a good way to start this conversation, Seungkwan."

"I mean, just don't take this the wrong way."

"You're scaring me, just spit it out."

"Well, mom and dad called - "

YeongMi laughed, despite the fact that she found no humour in his words. "Of course, I should've known. You never talk to me unless they tell you to."

"YeongMi, you know that's not true."

"Oh, I do, do I?"

YeongMi's brain was telling her to stop, but at this moment, her heart was driving her actions, and she let the bitter anger control her, as it always seemed to.

"Mi, I care you about you more than anything - "

"No, you care about them more, you always did. I can't blame you, with how they treated you. You always were the good child, the better child, the favourite child. It's not your fault, I get it."

"YeongMi, you're being ridiculous."

"Am I?"

Warning signs were going off in both of their heads, but they crashed right through them, raging ahead to clash in a mess that they would regret.

"You crashed the car and broke their favourite statue. That's crazy, you're unstable."

"Oh please, they don't have a favourite statue, that's ridiculous."

"Were you trying to get yourself killed? Or do you just like making them mad?"

"Oh yes, I love it when they yell at me, definitely. I love being hated, it really thrills me, I love being told that I'm an inconvenience, that I'm nothing like my perfect family, that I don't belong with you guys." 

"Well, if you hadn't been so hell bent on disobeying them then maybe they would've treated you differently!"

"Oh yes, it's all completely my fault, I should have kept doing things that I was uncomfortable with because mommy knows best."

"I didn't mean it like that - "

"Yes you did, you don't have to lie because you're scared it will hurt me. It doesn't matter. None of it does, I don't care anyways."

There was silence on the line, and then Seungkwan inhaled sharply.

"Oh god, it happened again."

"I don't know what you're talking about. What happened again?"

"You got hurt again, didn't you? God, you sound just like before. Please, don't let it be true, I warned him, I told him that you were getting better, that they needed to be careful, and now they've ruined it - "

"What the fuck are you going on about?"

"You're turning into another person again."

"I've always been like this, you're wrong."

"No, you get like this when you get really hurt. You act like you don't care, but really, I know this is the time that you feel the worst."

"You don't know anything," but YeongMi's voice cracked, and she quickly hung up before he could reply.

Incoming call from Loser

[Accept]                      [Decline]

YeongMi curled up, cursing herself for being so weak. Her phone was tossed to the floor, where it vibrated incessantly, but she would not retrieve it.

Her mind tormented her with visions of all the bad things that had happened to her in her miserable lifetime.

~

"YeongMi, as our daughter, you should know better. You need to behave like a proper lady, you're making us look bad."

The four year old YeongMi looked down in shame, twiddling her stubby fingers behind her back as she rocked on her heels. The damp spot on her dress seeped through the fabric, causing her tender skin to crawl in disgust, but she did not move. Similarly, the hem of the dress dripped onto the floor.

To her defense, she had tried to clean off the mud.

"Look what you've done, you've ruined this dress. Have you been playing in the dirt again? Tsk, can't you do anything right?"

No, she couldn't.

~

"Can you try to look a little happier to be here. You're one of the only 7 year olds who is able to be in this magnificent place, be grateful."

But YeongMi just wanted to be like the other kids.

~

"What have you done now, girl?"

YeongMi clenched her hand to her chest, trying to hide the blood from the maid. But it was no good, it only trailed down her arm, pooling to her elbow and dripping on the glass below her, crunching under her bare feet.

"I'm sorry - "

A sharp slap to her cheek convinced her to stay quiet.

"Why would you break this, are you asking for attention, you spoiled girl?"

But it was an accident.

~

"Kwan, you can't leave me, please!"

"Mi, you'll be fine. Behave yourself, I'll call you everyday."

".... you better. Good luck, show them that you're the best. I'm rooting for you."

"I love you, idiot."

"I love you too, loser."

She had wanted to watch the cab reach the end of the block, but her mother pulled her into the house before it even left the driveway.

~

Namjoon looked so angry, so disappointed, as his eyes glared at her.

But she hadn't done what he accused her of. She didn't want anyone but him.

~

Bora's arm was around Namjoon's, like a constrictor wrapping around its meal, malicious fangs glinting behind that inviting tongue.

~

"I don't even know you."

~

Seungkwan was wrong. He had to be. YeongMi didn't care. She couldn't.