Behind the Fake Smile *completed*

Behind the Fake Smile Cp29

I stared at the dead spider, my brain numb. Why did John not tell me? I wouldn't have shouted. I wouldn't have been angry. I wouldn't reject him for knowing the truth. I wanted to tell him myself. I wanted to tell everyone myself. I didn't want someone else to do it in fear that when they find out they'll hate me for not telling them directly. I wiped my face from dried tears and pulled myself out from under my bed. I felt pathetic. I've lost count the amount of times I've laid here wallowing in sorrow.

"John?" I called his name from outside his door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I... come in?" I asked.

"Sure?"

I walked in and saw him in the same position I left him an hour and a half ago.

"Why did you ask to come in?" He moved a pile of sheets away for me to sit down. "You don't normally."

"How long have you known and why didn't you tell me that you knew?"

John's face fell. He knew what I was talking about.

"Five days before Christmas, I overheard mum and dad talking about it in the kitchen. I couldn't believe it at first. I thought dad was joking. You know how he does stupid jokes like that sometimes. But..." he stopped, collecting his words. "The way they were talking scared me. How they were so definite. They were so raw. Vulnerable. I knew then it was the truth," he paused. "Next thing I knew, I found myself walking in the kitchen and dad and mum immediately stared at me. They instantly knew that I knew now and made me promise that I wouldn't say anything," he looked down. "Why didn't you tell me Anna?"

"I wasn't ready to tell anyone. I hadn't really come to terms with it yet, even now!"

"You're still a baby," he shook his head in disbelief. "Can they not give you vigorous treatments like chemotherapy?"

"I already asked, nothing they can do will make any difference. The pancreatic cancer is also known as the killer cancer because you don't realise that you have it until it's too late."

"How long do you have?" John asked faintly.

"Not sure. I refuse to know. I don't like the idea of my days being numbered and if I knew then I know that I'd be subconsciously be counting down the days until I die."

John bowed his head towards his books, hair covering his eyes. I knew that there were tears prickling his eyes and that he was stopping himself for crying... the slow, short raising of his back said it all so I gave him a hug and then walked away allowing him to have his own privacy.

I opened the door and saw Lizzie sitting on her bed, cross-legged, and like John she too had various of open books around her. She looked up when she saw me and greeted me with a half smile.

"What's up?" Lizzie asked eyeing my nervous stance.

"We need to talk."

As soon as I uttered those words her face fell immediately. I sat on my bed which was opposite hers and as I did I noticed that she avoided my gaze completely. She couldn't know- could she?

"I know recently I've been acting really strange lately," her shoulders immediately relaxed and for once, she looked at me. "I've kinda just ignored everyone and been in some sort of trance and so have mum and dad," I paused for a while unsure of how to say this. "I'm not sure how on earth I can sugar coat this or put it gently so I'm just going to say it. I've got cancer. I can't do anything to make myself better and neither can the doctors because it's too late to do anything and anything that they do will be useless because it won't make a difference. I'm not sure how long left I have but I thought you should know because mum and dad know obviously and John found out... I only thought it was fair that you should know too."