THE DAY HE BECAME RUTHLESS: The Metaphorical Series #2

TWO

"I don't get what you mean, Ruth."

Pinaglalaruan ko ang tumakas na sinulid sa manggas ng aking uniform blouse. Hindi ko mautusan ang aking paningin na ibaling kay Boone na siyang nakasandal sa hanay ng mga wooden lockers.

The locker room is outside the school premises. Hindi naman talaga ito parte ng school. The lot was owned by a family na siyang anak ay nag-aaral din sa eskwelahang malapit dito. Nagbabayad kaming mga estudyante sa kanila para sa slot namin. Me and Sue share the same locker.

Kaya hindi bawal ang ginagawa naming pag-uusapan dito. We're outside the school gates anyway, so we're outside the rules, too. Maliit, medyo masikip at madilim nga lang. And besides, Boone is a college boy from another university, a graduating student at that.

"We're breaking up?" patuloy nito sa maliit na boses, tila ba ngayon lang nagsink-in sa kanya at nilubog ang boses niya.

Nagkibit ako. Pinahiwatig ko na iyon sa kanya kanina. He's mature and smart enough to understand.

"Anong ginawa ko, Ruth? At least, let me know before you initiate an end that this relationship doesn't even deserve. Matino naman ako, a?"

But not all things happen because they deserve it. They happen because it has to. Gaano man kaganda ang daloy ng isang relasyon, kung may mga hadlang sa iba't ibang anyo, matatapos pa rin ito. Good things come to an end, ika nga.

I admit, nagi-guilty ako.  Siya pa itong pumunta rito sa school para sunduin kami ni Sue at ihatid pauwi. Kahit kailangan pa niyang maghintay ng apat na oras bago ang dismissal. But then I pulled him here for this.  

Soulful eyes, a voice that sounds like melted butter, a gentle caress that would make hospital patients demand him as their doctor.That's how I could describe Boone Carvajal. The usual tale as being neighbors in our old home was how it all started.

Being five years younger was the root of my insecurities of our relationship. I'm sure the college girls in their school were way hotter and more experienced so they would share a common interest. Ano nga bang laban ko bilang hamak na highschool student lamang?

And you know how the lion's share of the population perceives us. Immature. Irrational. Reckless. Ilang milyang distansiya sa maturity niya.

Six months of being together and here we are. Simula nang binanggit niya sa akin ang pag-proceed niya ng Medicine, I'd decided to cut this out. And another thing, I'm not confident enough to where this relationship would lead us.

Alam niyo na, mga kabataan, kadalasan ay mga salawahan. No one should judge our young hearts and young minds. I embrace this as being part of growing up.

I like him, at alam niyang gusto ko lang siya. We share our differences. He offered me his maturity, I shared to him my youth. Ngunit masyado pa akong bata upang isipin na pag-ibig na itong nararamdaman ko sa kanya.  Love hasn't found me yet. I didn't bother look for it either.

"May iba ba?"

Alinlangan ang kanyang tono at nanghihina. Sa halip na sagutin ang tanong niya ay iba ang ibinato ko.

"Admit it Boone, you've met girls in your school and thought that they were much better than me."

"D'you think I'm cheating on you?"

Inignora ko ang tila naiinsulto niyang tinig. I didn't intend to pull the trigger for him to sound like that.

Hinila ko ang sarili sa mahabang upuan sa harap. Habang tumatagal ay nararamdaman ko na ang paninikip ng dibdib ko dahil sa init dito sa loob. Dinukot ko ang aking panyo at dinampi sa aking mukha at batok.