THE DAY HE BECAME RUTHLESS: The Metaphorical Series #2

TWENTY THREE

Nadatnan ko si Sue na mag-isang ngumingiti sa sofa. Her honeyed voice to whoever she's talking to over the phone had my curiousity inflamed. Hindi ko rin gusto ang pinaparamdam sa akin nito.

Nang hindi niya namamalayan ay tumungo ako sa kusina. Dinala ko ang kinuhang baso at pitchel ng tubig sa island counter. Pinapanood ko siya habang nagsasalin ako ng kalahati sa baso at sumimsim rito.

She's in her tiny cotton shorts and tank top. My sister is growing up into a full-blown lady. At hindi na ako magugulat sa mga nagtatangkang manuyo sa kanya. I bet there are numbers already.

I'd been there once. I'd been aware of myself growing. I've been aware of the changes my body has undergone and my...hormones. Dala dala ko hanggang ngayon ang pagbabago sa sarili ko. Even those changes outside the physical department.

Binaba na niya ang cellphone na ngumingiti pa rin. She's texting now.

"Sino iyan?" tanong ko.

Nakangiti pa rin siya nang mag-angat ng tingin. Mabilis rin iyon at binalikan ang pagtitipa ng mensahe.

"Classmate ko," aniya.

"Lalake?"

Umismid siya saka tumango.

Mabigat ang mga  kamay kong nilapag ang baso pagkatapos uminom. Swallowing the liquid whole means to only spill the water from my mouth. Mabagal ang aking paglunok.

Nilagay ko ang bag ko sa silyang nasa tabi ko. Pinuno ko ng hangin ang dibdib.

"Bawal ka pang mag-boyfriend, Sue," seryoso kong sabi. I expected her to protest at hindi ako nagkamali.

"Bakit ikaw? Fourteen ka noong nagka-boyfriend, a."

Wala akong panangga sa sinabi niya. I embraced it since it's true. And there I get to realize that I have to set as an example for her. 

I do, but not as good as how I should be.

I was being selfish, I admit. Truth be told, we often cement ourselves as the first priority. Huli ko nang naisip na may bunso akong kapatid na ginagawa akong ehemplo. Theres's no one else to stand as a mother figure to her but me.

At dahil ako ang palaging nakakasama niya, I feel like her whole world is my responsibility.

I used to be her. While she is becoming me.

"Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi bawal sa 'yo. Kinse ka pa lang," mahina kong sabi.

It was more like I was talking to my fifteen year old self. This is exactly what I would have told to the younger me.

"Unfair!"

Biglang tumayo si Sue na puno ng pakikipagdigmaan ang mukha. Halos itapon niya ang cellphone sa ginawang pagdabog.

"Sue, hindi mo ikamamatay ang hindi pagkakaroon ng  boyfriend!"

Umiling siya at muling umupo nang tumunog ang kanyang cellphone. She's texting again. Mabilis ang reflexes ng mga kamay niya.

"You're not my mom," I heard her mumble.

Saglit kong nahigit ang aking hininga habang binubugbog ng iritasyon. Kung nairita ako sa sinabi niya ay mas nairita naman ako sa sarili ko. I've never reserved a time to teach her some good manners. Kung may magandang asal man siyang natutunan ay galing sa eskwelahan iyon.

What my sister has learned from me were probably about some bad decisions I made. The things I had done before that I slowly begin to regret now. I have been less exemplary. And now, she's slowly learning to walk the path of my old road.