Hotel Room Service ( A Julian Draxler Fanfiction)[Completed]

Chapter 46

~To understand if you love someone, try to imagine your life without them~

Today

Julian

- Julian ?
The way she said my name made my heart starting to beat faster.
- Yes, Lila, it's me.....
I started saying but my voice cracked. I really wished things were easier for us.
- I...I tried to call you earlier but you know.....
- Kim responded.
We said together and then silence filled us.
- Why have you left Julian ?
She asked and I bet she has started crying. And I knew that this was my fault. I was feeling even worse now.
I only wanted to hug her and reassure her that everything will be okay, even though I knew that this would be a lie. At least I wanted her to be with me.
- I had to Lila. You know that I'm getting married.
I replied closing my eyes.
- I only wanted to explain to you Julian. And you could, you could have asked me, instead of Valerie.
She said bursting out crying.
- Lila, stop crying.......
I can't handle it.
I added to myself.
- I don't want to destroy your life Julian, I love you. But you could have asked me.
- I had asked you a million times Lila, and you know that you never replied. You never wanted to tell me, I know why now, but still......
I said lowering my voice. I checked behind me to make sure that Vanessa hadn't appeared. I knew she was sleeping, and I also know that using her phone to call Lila wasn't a really good idea, but I didn't have any other choice since Kim had stepped in my phone. I immediately understood that it was Lila who was calling and I collected my sim card when she left. I used it in Vanessa's phone and I found the number who was calling. I was sure it was Lila's and she proved it when answering. I'm not sure I had made the right desicion by calling her cause this girl had a really bad effect on me and I wasn't sure of anything when talking to her.
- I only wanted to explain to you. Why have you left like that ?
- I told you previously Lila, I'm getting married, I couldn't stay in Munich any longer.
- You could. You just didn't want to.
She said bursting out crying again.
- Lila, baby, stop it. I can't hear you crying. You make my heart bleed.
- Liar! You don't care about me. You never did. That's why you left like that.
I knew she didn't meant what she was saying. She was just sad and mad and all these things together.
- Listen to me Lila, I had to leave. You deserve a normal life and I can't give you that. When I'm around you I only cause you problems.
- You always cause me problems, Julian.
She shouted.
I closed my eyes. She was right.
- Lila........
- But that's what I like. I like when you cause me problems. I also like when you don't. I like whatever you do, whatever you don't do. I love what you do because you do it. I love you Julian. I realized I can't leave without you. When you came in Munich I fell in love with you over again. Not that I have ever stopped but.....Julian you're listening ?
I was. I was listening but I didn't know what to say. I felt the same and even stronger than she did.
- I love you too Lila.
I admitted and it wasn't out of habit.
- Only that ?
- Lila, please you have to understand that we can't change what has happened.
She didn't speak for a while. Her voice was shaky when she spoke again.
- I thought you cared, but you don't.
- I do care Lila. You can't accuse me otherwise.
I replied starting to be mad.
- No, you're right. I'm happier without you. Don't ever call me back.
She said and she hung up.
- Lila ?
I asked but I realized I was talking to a dead line.
- Damn it.
I shouted.
No, it's better like that.
I thought to myself.
If Lila and I would be together ever again that would hurt a lot of people and I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt Vanessa. I loved her. At least I had learned to love her.
I removed my sim card from Vanessa's phone and I placed back hers. I headed back to our bedroom and I watched her sleeping. For a moment I imagined that it was Lila, who was sleeping there. I couldn't believe that Vanessa was going to be my wife soon. I was sure that I didn't want her to be my wife. I don't know if I'm in general ready to get married but if Lila was the one that I would marry then I would be. I mean, if she wanted it then I wouldn't have a reason to decline it.
But Lila wasn't the one I was going to marry. Lila had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend. That I was engaged with. This wasn't what I have in mind when I first met Vanessa. The truth is I have liked her company ever since, she was jealous, yes, but she always offered a shoulder to cry and she was always there for me when I needed her. I don't know if I deserved her. I had dissappointed her a couple of times and I know she has been hurt. She was always hurt because she loved me. I know that when she firstly approached me, Kim had tried to pick up a girlfriend for me and since Vanessa was a friend of hers, and a worldwide known filmmaker, she thought it was the best choice for me.
She definitely was a good choice. Maybe not the best but a good choice.
- Julian ?
Vanessa asked.
- I'm here.
I responded.
- Why aren't you sleeping ?
She asked yawning.
- I couldn't.
- Why ?
- I wasn't tired enough.
I lied heading to our bed. Vanessa sat beside me looking at me worryingly.
- I think, that something's bothering you.
She said touching my face. At least she wasn't mad any longer cause I really could'n bear with that. She had stopped asking me where I was. I was really worried about her. She seemed like she would explode earlier. I know that the fault was all mine but still.
- Everything's fine Vanessa.
I said touching her hand.
- Julian, why don't you trust me ? If you don't want to marry me, you can say so.
- It's not that.
I lied.
- So, what is it ?
- I don't know. I have a lot in mind.
- Like Lila ?
- Excuse me ?
I asked shocked. What was that now ?
- You can't fool me Julian.
- How do you know about Lila ?
- I just do.
- Kim.
I said understanding that Kim had talked about Lila to Vanessa, that's why she was so jealous earlier.
- Yes, Kim told me that you were high school sweethearts.
Vanessa said her eyes searching for mine.
- Yes, but that had happened a lot of time ago Vanessa. It's not important.
- So, why you're still thinking of her ?
- Listen, Vanessa. Lila, was my first love and we can't change that. I'll always remember her. I know that this hurts you but I'm honest with you.
- And I appreciate it.
- You do ?
- Of course Julian. I appreciate it when you're speaking the truth. Besides, I don't have a problem for you to remember her, as long as she's not a ghost to our relation.
- She won't be Vanessa. I swear. I'm sorry for my behavior the last months. I'll change. I promise.
- I believe you Julian.
She said and she kissed me.
I hugged her tightly. She didn't deserve to be treated the way I was treating her.
- You mean a lot to me Vanessa.
I said and I kissed her forehead.
- I love you Julian.
- I know, and I love you too.
I responded.
- We should go back to sleep. We have a lot of preparations tomorrow.
- We do ?
- Yes, Kim decided a small wedding and I agree with that. So, the wedding will be in a week.
- In a what ?
- Don't worry baby. The sooner, the better.
- Are you serious ? When have you decided that ?
I asked but I immediately regretted.
- When you were in Munich.
She replied looking at me with the corner of her eyes.
- Isn't that a little too hasty ?
- No, Julian it's not. We have already waited like a whole lot. We should do it.
- Vanessa, please.....
- Don't make this any harder. You promised, that you'll change. I give you a second chance to prove you deserve it.
She left me speechless. But she was right. I had caused a lot of trouble. Besides, if I was to marry her, maybe I could forget about Lila which was something I wanted desperately. I don't know if it was possible, but it was good to give it a try.
- I'm sorry.
- So, what do you say ?
She asked smiling.
- Yes, of course. It'll be fine in a week.