Circled by The Wolves [Brustoff]

Chapter 24

When I entered the bus my mood was beyond killed. Thankfully no one was there, the guys must've went out and who cares where Cameron was. I was wet to my skin and water was literally dripping off of me so I went straight to the bathroom. When Cameron disappeared it started pouring again. It rained all the way to the bus, but I didn't even bother to put my jacket over my head. It was a hot summer rain and it matched my mood. I actually enjoyed the wet feeling all over my face and hair, but it wasn't near as enjoyable now when I had to rip the clothes off. 

When I was finally dry and only in a clean pair of boxers and one of my over-sized V-neck tees I went to the living room and grabbed a beer throwing myself to the couch. 

I let out a long sigh enjoying the level of silence where I could hear my own breathing.

Cameron kissed me, I allowed that fact to sink in once the beer bottle in my hand was half empty.

I sighed once again.

This was reality. 

This was reality I was living in.

Did he like me? For how ling has he liked me? Did it last the whole time or his crush appeared just recently?

I sighed again.

Judging from the face he had when I broke the kiss and stumbled backwards I wouldn't say it was just a crush. 

But why didn't he tell me? 'You make straight guys question their sexuality', his words echoed in my mind again.

Maybe that was actually hard. To question your sexuality, I mean. I've never done it though, so I don't really know. I fell in love with Dusty back in high school and that was that. I never found it weird or wring, it was just... normal. I never even thought of that in a way that I'd actually question myself. Yeah, I thought it was just a phase when we broke up, but I didn't even question myself when Ben and I first started having a thing. Did Cam actually felt that way? Was he questioning yourself because of who you liked actually a thing? I suddenly felt bad. I questioned myself because of a lot of things and it wasn't pleasant at all. And those were all things where I had a choice. You cannot choose who you're gonna like. With who you're gonna fall in love with. I can only imagine how it was to question yourself because of something you can't control. 

All these days, all this time we weren't paying attention to him saying he's a control freak and that he'll come around eventually, he was actually questioning himself. Because of me.

The realization hit me hard. 

But what even was there to like about me? I mean, I was just me. Nothing special. Could I seriously make someone question themselves like that?

The thought wrecked my nerves.

Because, no matter how much I was trying to understand him, this was just so weird. No, no, no... He couldn't be having feelings towards me. He was my best friend... I mean... Like...

I felt my anxiety getting the best of me once more and I took a sip of my beer putting the bottle on the ground when it was empty and enjoying the silence as my mind went blank. 

The state of mind between reality and unawareness was quite great until I wasn't zone back in by someone dropping besides me.

Ben cupped my face and brought his lips down to mine. I didn't really see him because I was zoned out, but I recognized him by the way he kissed me. Butterfly's erupted in my stomach and warmth washed over me. 

"Hey, babe." Ben smiled then kissed me again.

"He was suddenly on top of me trying to deepen the kiss, but I wasn't in for it.