Circled by The Wolves [Brustoff]

Chapter 29

~slight trigger warning~

The last week of tour went down pretty agonizingly slow. Ben wouldn't even look at me, and after some time I stopped trying to get his attention. The guys didn't know with who to side with, and we were both pretty much avoiding all of them. Ben spent time mainly with Danny, and I didn't really talk to anyone. Cameron tried talking to me, but I didn't want to hear it. I could see it in his eyes. He maybe didn't have us followed that day, but as soon as he was approached with a chance to break up Ben and I, he took it. When he looked at me there was sadness in his eyes. So much sadness that I actually wanted to talk to him, but then I would spot the regret and I couldn't. He had his hands in this, and he didn't even know how far his jealousy took us. I know he wasn't aware of Danny's and Dusty's plan, but I was his friend. I thought we had something special... and although he developed feelings for me, I'd never in a million years think he'd go that low.

The fans noticed too. I mean, how wouldn't they? One night Ben was kissing me on stage and the next we barely looked at each other. I got hundreds of messages asking if I was okay and what was happening daily. I wanted to be honest with our fandom. Sometimes them - the fans - were the only thing that kept me going. Our fanbase was so awesome, but I couldn't bring myself to tweet. And when I would post something on IG my captions would always end up being depressing. I wouldn't even notice that until the next morning, and by now there was a clear transition from happy and excited me to depressing and sad me on my Instagram account. 

I couldn't even bring myself to look at Sam or James. I didn't know what they thought, and I couldn't bring myself to ask. Maybe they've sided with Ben. They probably have. They've seen the pictures, and the pictures were clear. Cam and I kissing. There was no way of explaining that without explaining my whole past along with Cam's feelings. And no matter how mad I was at him, I couldn't do that to him.

And if I tell Ben we were both drunk he won't believe me. He already said I was lying and that he won't believe a word I say ever again. He accused me of faking everything I did for them and the band and although I know he's just hurt and trying to pick the most hurtful thing he could say, it still did hurt as hell. 

I would even occasionally hear him cry in the middle of the night. It ripped my heart, and eventually I'd be crying too. It was torture and no one knew how to deal with us.

Today I felt specially awful because it was the last day. Today I was leaving for Ukraine. I didn't know what will happen to me. I didn't know weather Dusty's gonna come after me or he'll just stop at this. He got what he wanted though. 

I didn't know what will happen to the band after I send them that text. Will they think I really stood up on them? Will they think I just proved I was a liar? Will they come after me?

That was my only hope. Because if they did come after me then maybe I'll get the chance to explain. But maybe. Just maybe.

I still didn't know what exactly did that burned in mark on my wrist meant. And why did everyone had a tattoo except Dusty? Well, Dusty and me. He was the one to burn it into my wrist after all. I wish I could remember exactly what happened, but I could only remember the pain. It was too much pain for such a small mark. It should've been something I could easily take clenching my jaw and waiting. But no, it was so horrible I had to scream. I rolled my sleeve up looking at the symbol. My skin was already fully healed and the symbol was now a scar blistering on the light just like Dusty's.

I pressed my thumb on it and I winced in pain. If it was fully healed why would it hurt? I rubbed on the spot torturing myself as little waves of electricity spread across my skin. I actually had to bite on my tongue not to scream as my thumb stumbled across something quite hard. It took me by surprise and I quickly moved my fingers from my wrist. Something that hard shouldn't have a place in human skin.