[2] not so fangirl ;; 1d

thirteen

           

Gue kaget parah gitu waktu Zayn malah nyuruh gue duduk, gue ga tau apa yang bakalan dia omongin sekarang. Jadi gue duduk doang di kursi, nyender gitu supaya ga keliatan tegang padahal mah aslinya gue tegang parah. Gue ga ngerti lagi. Gue tegang. Ini orang mau ngomong apa sih sebenernya?

"So?" tanya gue sambil menaikan alis.

"Alright," sekarang Zayn ngangguk-ngangguk, ada beberapa jeda di antara kedua kalimatnya yang bikin gue makin ketar-ketir. Gue bingung, Zayn bakalan ngomong apa. Soalnya mukanya tuh serius parah. "I'm sorry that I –"

Gue nyela. "That's okay, you don't have to actually."

Sekarang Zayn malah ngangguk canggung lagi, trus berdeham dan narik napas panjang. Gue masih ga ngerti lagi, maksud gue, woi ini gila banget sekarang kenapa gue harus ada di posisi ini dengan Zayn yang berada tepat di depan gue.

It feels like dreams came true...

"I knew you from internet," mulai Zayn. Right, lagi-lagi internet; media massa. "you're the bestfriend of Louis, right? Or even, girlfriend?"

Buat nutupin kecanggungan yang terbentang antara gue sama Zayn, gue ketawa pelan. "You gotta be kidding me. We're friends, why do people keep saying that?"

"It's just... it – it just, I mean, just forget it already. I just need your help, can you...?"

"What help?" tanya gue balik. Dari bau-baunya sih... ini Zayn mau minta tolong sama gue buat dianya baikan sama Louis. Soalnya Louis cerita kalo dia tuh abis berantem besar sama Zayn waktu doi keluar dari 1D, jadi ya gitulah. Hubungan mereka nggak baik, puncaknya tuh waktu mereka berantem di Twitter. Dan Louis bilang, waktu itu dia emosi banget sampe-sampe dia ga tau mau bales apa lagi. It's just, it hurts him so much to see that.

"I was wrong, I thought Louis would never stop being my bestfriend, but I was wrong, once again. He's gone. Just like that, in that way. I've been trying to call to apologize my mistakes, I've been trying a whole year to contact him but there was no respond, neither Niall nor Harry. I've been trying to contact, but it seemed like things have changed. I could not change it. But then I met Liam, but then it's still the same. The problems weren't solved yet."

Gue naikin alis denger ceritanya. I mean, this kinda weird to hear that. Gue itu tuh bagaikan orang asing buat Zayn, tapi, kenapa tiba-tiba dia ngomong ini sama gue? Rasanya tuh semua ga masuk akal di kepala gue. But everything doesn't have to make sense, right? Jadi gue mulai ngerespon. "By leaving the band, you knew the consequences, didn't you?"

Zayn ngangguk. "Yeah, I knew it, I knew. But I kinda felt like it was the right time to leave, all the popularity that I've got –"

Gue nyela. "That's the point, they are angry because –"

"No, no. Let me finish the sentences. All the popularity that I've got, it got me like having an upside-down world you know? I felt underpreasure, depressed, anxiety, eating disolder... and many more. I kinda have a mental illness. I decided to leave because I felt so depressed at the time and I didn't even think that I would make a new album and stuffs, no, I didn't think so. If you thought that I would do that at the first place, then you're totally wrong. Exactly. You know how the hollywood's life goes right? Dramas, and kind of stuffs. We live in a very fake wolrd, you know that. All the things that I have said in the interviews were not really me, I can't really be myself. I can't."

"What's your point exactly? Not to be rude, Zayn. But this is weird since I was just asking for photos, and you told me this. I mean, I don't deserve to hear this. I am no one, I am nobody."

"My point is, asking for your help. Can you please help me to tell Louis and the rest of the boys to forgive me? I can't do this alone without them, the anxiety; it's always been them to help me through my darkest time. There will always be Niall there to steal my foods, there will always be Louis my bro to go to clubs, doing stuffs, laughing together, sharing jokes... there will always be Harry there to be the cheesy one, to always smile no matter how he feels, and then there's Liam... I miss them so much."

Denger penjalasan Zayn langsung bikin gue kaget setengah mati, ini tuh gue yakin pasti mata gue sekarang melotot saking kagetnya. "What do you mean by that? Are you coming back?"

Zayn menggeleng pelan. Ganteng woi gantegng fiuueuifhiudhfiuh. "No, I didn't mean so. I'm just, I need them for the rest of my life. They're like my brothers from another blood, and I will never ever forget our journey which we've been creating in five years. It's hard to forget it you know? Whenever my anxiety comes to me, I can always imagine that they are here with me, laughing in the sofa with some fights... being on tour with them for years, that's the moment that I can't even forget for the rest of my life."

Gue ga terlalu ngerti sih sebenernya Zayn ini ngomong apa, jadi gue juga ga terlalu berani ngasih saran karna ya gitulah, gue kan juga ga terlalu kenal sama dia. Gue masih cengo doang abis dengerin doi cerita.

"Avril?"

Mata gue terbelalak akibat kaget. "I'll try to tell Louis and maybe the others. It hurts them  so much, trust me. But I don't really understand what are you saying, but maybe I've got your points."

"You wanna help me?"

"I'm not saying so, but I'll try."

***

Yeu entar doi muncul lg xixixi tp agak lama hadot!??!?!?!??1/

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