[2] not so fangirl ;; 1d

thirty four

siapa yg kangen #avrilouis?!?!?!?!?

***

Tiba-tiba gue kebangun dengan kagetnya, gue inget banget lagi mimpi naik gunung bareng temen-temen gue (yang gue enggak tau atau mungkin lupa siapa) terus tiba-tiba gue jatuh dan gue kebangun, jantung gue rasanya kayak copot anjing. Copot. Gue kaget parah.

Gue membawa tubuh gue untuk duduk lalu bersender ke belakang, gue ngelirik ke arah Diana – dia lagi tidur dan ileran. Buset, temen gue yang satu ini emang enggak pernah hilang joroknya. Gue ngeliat jam di iPhone gue, udah jam setengah tiga malem anjir, kenapa gue kebangun jam segini coba. Ish. Serem, gue takut.

Kerongkonan gue terasa seret, jadi gue pergi keluar kamar untuk ngambil air mineral yang ada di dapur – jangan lupa gue juga bawa iPhone gue tercinta tentunya, siapa tau aja disini ada mbak kunti atau hantu yang ngebikin gue enggak bisa lari kemana-mana, jadinya gue bisa nelfon yang lain.

Gadeng, sebenernya gue berharap mati-matian supaya enggak denger suara-suara setan (baca: desahan dari yang-lo-tau-siapa) dan bisa cepet-cepet manggil Niall buat ngusir setan-setan itu. Bisa aja kan tiba-tiba doi jadi pastur.

Oke, apaan Vril, apaan. Gue kayaknya masih ngantuk banget jadi ngomongnya masih ngaco kayak gini.

Ketika gue udah ngambil minum, kebetulan banget dapur di villa ini langsung sampingan sama kolam renang, cuma kaca gede doang yang misahin antara dapur dengan kolam renang, jadi otomatis kalo gue mau kesana tinggal ngesot.

Sebenernya bukan karena kolam renangnya sih gue terpaku, tapi disitu ada Louis yang lagi nyebat sendirian doang tanpa pacarnya yang ngeselin itu – sebenernya enggak ngeselin banget, tapi bodoamat, gue kesel mereka pacaran mulu sementara gue mendekam jadi jomblo disini. Tumben banget sebenernya Louis enggak sama Eleanor, maksud gue, kan mereka barusan aja balikan, yah, paling enggak mereka ngabisin waktu bareng. Apalagi emang jadwalnya lagi liburan gini.

Ada sebuah kebimbangan yang melanda gue; entah gue harus datengin Louis atau enggak sama sekali dan membiarkan dia memiliki waktu untuk dirinya sendiri. Tapi gue enggak bisa membiarkan dia sendirian terus disitu.

Ah, Ele mana sih.

Setelah gue berpikir sekitar lima kali dan menimbang-nimbang, gue akhirnya memutuskan untuk mendekati Louis yang lagi nyebat sendirian disitu.

Omgomgomgomgomg here it comes.

Duh, gue jadi takut.

Dengan sekasual mungkin gue duduk di samping Louis yang lagi ngerendemin kakinya di kolam, tapi posisi kaki gue nyilang, ini bule gila kali ya ngerendem kaki di kolam yang jelas-jelas dingin. Louis diem sekarang, enggak peduli sama sekali dengan keberadaan gue yang bener-bener tepat da di sampingnya, mungkin jarak kita cuma sekitar 40cm doang.

"It's late night," kata gue dengan santai, berusaha mati-matian seperti Louis lagi enggak marah ke gue. Gue tau banget Louis marah ke gue karena dia tau bahwa gue yang berusaha membantu Zayn buat baikan sama dia dan membawa Zayn kesini. Astaga, gue ngerti banget ini timing-nya enggak pas, salahin Niall. Jangan gue. Ini idenya dia.

Louis cuma diem doang, masih ngerokok dan enggak mempedulikan gue.

"Can we take a picture? I'm your fans! I love you sooooo much. I love your song Just Hold On and Back to You! Both are really good, oh my God," kata gue berusaha heboh. "Thank God, my ears are blessed."

Ngeliat muka Louis yang datar doang dan enggak peduli membuat gue langsung bungkam seribu bahasa, I'm running out of words, gue enggak tau lagi harus ngapain.

"C'mon, you can't be so rude to your fans," cibir gue. "I'm a big fan."

"Your jokes aren't funny, you know that, don't you?" akhirnya Louis angkat bicara dan dia ngeliat ke gue. "What do you want?"

Kali ini gue yang terdiam. Gue enggak tau gue mau ngomong apaan anjir. "Why are you acting like this latrely?"

"You know," mulai Louis. Oke Avril, tenang, tenang. "You don't really have to intervene in this matter. You're no one between me and Zayn, you've got no rights to do this. You've ruined our vacation. You're a kid."

Gue menyerngitkan dahi gue. "What do you mean?"

"What I exactly mean is that you don't have to fucking care about my life, back off, Avril. You're no one and really have no rights to reunite me and Zayn. Who do you think you are? What do you know? Just because we're close for about 2 years doesn't mean you can do anything beyond your rights. You can't do this to me. If I don't wanna meet him then I don't."

"It's not about who I am," jawab gue, jujur aja gue sakit hati banget sama ucapannya. "And I do really have no rights to your life – I just –" ucapan gue terhenti, gue nangis. Gue nangis di depan Louis. "Zayn cares about you, Louis. So much. I wasn't the only one who planned this but Niall and Liam had been the part of this plan. They knew this. You two were best friends, five of you have been bestfriends and just because he left doesn't mean you guys disconnected to each other. I understand –"

"You don't fucking understand. He's selfish."

"You're the selfish one here!" gue menyentak. "He's been through the depression and anxiety disorder at that time and where the fuck are you? Fucking all day with Eleanor? Or stalking his new collab with Naughty Boy and making fun of them? Mocking them? Mocking Zayn for quitting 1D? You're selfish as fuck, Louis. you are."

"I'm going through the same phase as him! My life was completely a mess since 1D and my last breaking up with Eleanor, don't you think? Having a baby in my age, I'm not even ready! My relationship with Briana isn't tied well. Where the fuck is he?"

"It fucking happened after you mocked him on Twitter! Fuck you, Louis."

"So right now the blame is on me? I'm the only one to blame here?"

"Why can't you just forgive him?"

"I can't! you can't force me to do that, you're no one to do this, Avril. It's none of your business, really."

"Of course, it is. I can't stand seeing you like this, I'm your best friend ."

"You're not, you can't even understand what I want."

Dan sekali lagi, hati gue mencelos, tanpa gue sadar gue nangis.

"I don't need your tears, really," komentar Louis saat melihat gue menangis.

"It's all for your own good, for God's sake, Louis. Zayn wants to be friends with you, that's all. The rest of us – Niall, Liam, and Harry, even – they forgave him. Harry understood what's going on with him at the time, leaving 1D maybe wasn't the best choice Louis, but he has too. He's too depressed to continue all the things in 1D, he can't do that anymore why don't you just accept that and forgive –"

"It's not about him leaving 1D."

"About what?"

Louis terdiam dan akhirnya dia beranjak berdiri.

"You know what? After all of these, I know that you're a selfish fucker. That's why everyone leaves you," kata gue. "You're so mean to everyone, you can't control your words. That's why people get hurt so bad. Being sassy is fine, but learn to know the situations."

Dan setelah itu gue balik ke kamar gue, bahkan langkahan kaki gue mendahului Louis.

***