Phan // I Want You To Love Me

Chapter Ten

// WARNING // there will be mentions of self harm in this chapter, just letting you know.

Dan was still. He was caught off guard by Phil's sudden outburst and tried to cover up his sudden shock, but the realisation was apparent in Phil's eyes.
'Dan I-' Phil faltered, but had no words. So many thoughts raced through Phil's mind. Dan's reluctance to get to know Jake, his awkward attempts to avoid conversations on 'relationships', his constant staring into Phil's mesmerizingly iridescent eyes, were all making sense. After a minute of wide-eyed staring, Dan turned away and rushed to the bathroom, leaving Phil frozen, watching him leave.

Dan slammed the bathroom door behind him and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, tracing his fingers along his forearm. The skin was decorated with neat little rows of scars. The memories of Dan hiding in his bedroom with a penknife, etching lines into his flesh came flooding back. After five years, the skin was still pink and rough from where the knife tore deep into his arm. He spent his teenage years as an outcast. At school he was ruthlessly bullied, and was seen as a target for unruly teenage boys. He recalled watching beads of blood emerge from the slits in his skin and roll down the length of his forearm before pooling at the crease in his elbow. For the first time in a while, he felt the urge to watch again as he opened little gashes along his skin. He reached for a disposable razor from the cupboard under the sink and splashed water over the area below his wrist. He then proceeded to press the razor hard into the skin and slid it along, feeling the familiar release of the burning sensation. He lifted the razor from his arm to admire his work. Little droplets of blood were racing down his forearm before reaching his elbow crease and rolling off his arm into the sink.

After another thirty seconds, Phil finally made a move after Dan. He stood hesitantly outside the bathroom door, hearing nothing but silence on the other side. Giving up, he turned towards the front door, grabbing his keys and wallet and walked towards the bus stop, dropping Jake a text on his way out.

//

Sorry I didn't update for ages again, only a week left of exams now :)