Phan // I Want You To Love Me

Chapter Fifteen

Dan's attempt at a peaceful, night-long sleep was hopeless. At various intervals throughout the night he would wake from an uncomfortable sleep. He would then lie awake for another hour or so, staring vacantly at the ceiling, the pressure of Phil's brightly coloured duvet like a weight on his chest. The room smelled of old books and warmth, a scent Dan had come to associate with Phil. Dan missed Phil's presence around the house. Now there was too many boxes of cereal on the kitchen counter, and too many charger sockets in the living room, and not nearly enough light or noise or warmth.

With a sigh, Dan turned over onto his side and squeezed his eyes shut, but sleep never came. Instead, it loomed so close to Dan, and it was as if he could reach out and grab it and wrap himself up in its arms as he wished he could with Phil. Dan desperately craved the release sleep could bring him, but it was always just out of reach. Instead, he was stuck in reality, stuck with a gaping hole that only Phil could occupy.

Jake's house was too quiet, Phil decided. He missed the sound of Dan's gentle snores from across the hallway. Although he had spent many nights at Jake's in the past, he had never had to concern himself with Dan. Phil had always made sure that Dan had enough cereal for the next morning, that the doors were locked, that Dan had access to a house key, never ever had Phil ever had no way of knowing if Dan was okay or not. But the thought of returning home, facing Dan and his feelings, made Phil's stomach turn. Why did Dan love him? Out of all 7 billion people in the world, Dan loved the very average, not at all extraordinary, Phil Lester.

After thinking for what felt like years, Phil came to the conclusion that he wouldn't return home until he felt as if the whole situation had blown over. He snuggled up closer to Jake and turned his head to place a kiss on Jake's forehead. He looked so peaceful like this, tousled blonde hair, thick eyelashes probably tickling his rosy cheeks, and Phil smiled to himself before turning his head back around and shutting his eyes.

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this chapter is a bit eh lol