Phan // I Want You To Love Me

Chapter Thirteen

'Could you stay the night?' Jake asked, an innocent sparkle in his green eyes. Phil smiled in return, admiring just how pretty Jake was. His sandy blonde hair tumbled in waves from his head, framing his rosy face. His green eyes resembled the shallow ocean on a calm day, smooth, salty and flecked with darker green.
'If that's alright with you,' Phil replied, leaning closer into Jake's embrace. He could feel Jake giggle against his neck.

For another few hours, Dan sat staring at his luminous laptop screen. His eyes began to water, and his lips were chapped and dry, but he remained still, thinking only of Phil. Why couldn't he have just brushed off the statement? Maybe even scoffed at Phil's words? But instead he stood dumbfounded at Phil's sudden accusations. All these thoughts raced through his mind, and before long tears were leaking from his eyes and cascading down his flushed cheeks, the droplets splashing onto his MacBook. He slammed the lid shut and threw the laptop onto the pillow beside him, then stood up abruptly and balled his fists. Dan stormed over to the nearest wall and paced back and forth, breathing heavily. He could feel tension building in his chest at an alarming rate. With one glance at the wall, he took one balled up fist and drove it straight through the plaster.

After he retracted his fist he stared, shocked at the damage he'd just inflicted. The tears that were flowing non-stop only a moment before had suddenly dried up and Dan felt completely empty inside. He couldn't cry, couldn't speak, couldn't even move. The realisation that Phil probably wouldn't be returning, that they'd probably never share a flat ever again, had finally set in. Phil constituted such a large part of Dan's life, and without him Dan would lose not only the only reason he smiles, but also a part of himself.

Recently, Dan had been noticing more and more of Phil in himself. Occasionally when Dan laughed, his tongue would poke through in between his teeth like Phil's would. Or, at strange times throughout the day he'd crave cereal. All Phil's little habits have rubbed off on Dan, and the thought caused a fresh wave of tears to roll down his cheeks.

Dan's shaking fingers traced the damaged wall. The plaster was flaking at the edges of the hole, and towards the centre, chunks had disappeared, having fallen onto the carpet below. At even the slightest touch, the little flakes of plaster would crumble into a fine powder, or detach from the wall and flit downwards, landing on Dan's sock-covered toes. The movement somewhat resembled that of light snowfall. This brought back memories of last January, when the streets outside were blanketed in a soft sheet of snow and Dan and Phil remained inside their cosy flat, but glanced outside every so often to admire how quiet and desolate the area had become. Every day, they would sit together in the living room, squeezed onto one couch, sipping hot chocolate. The buses had stopped running and Phil had no way of getting to Jake's. But he seemed not to mind. Phil dropped Jake the occasional text for a cursory 'check-up', but besides that Dan and Phil spent almost a fortnight in each other's company. These memories caused a cold, sharp yearning in the very pit of Dan's stomach.

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SORRY FOR THE HIATUS IT'S BEEN A HECTIC COUPLE OF WEEKS <333
also pls forgive me for this piece of trash I'll update it in a few days