Bound To You

CHAPTER 44

I stayed as quiet as I can while driving with her sitting in the passenger's seat. It drives me nuts - to be honest - not to talk or glance at her even just for a second. But I need to do it, I need to help myself. Because not all the times, love is selfless. Sometimes, you have to be selfish and save yourself from drowning deep in the ocean of pain and heartache.

Pam tsked when I stopped the car as the red light flashed.

I bit my lower lips when I heard it. Nabobored na ba siya? I heaved a sigh then decided to turn the radio on to save us from the awkward silence. I stared at her while she was busy looking through the window. There's still some part of me that doesn't want to hold back but that would just definitely risk our friendship or any relationship that I think we.. atleast have.

So, this is what they say 'so close yet so far' huh? Tss.

I shook my head then focus my eyes again on the road when the red light finally changed to green. None of us dared to open a conversation nor say a word. If not for the radio, our whole ride will envelope in awkward silence again.

"Pam" I finally said when I stopped the car in front of their house.

She'd just stared at me and waited for me to speak up. I took a deep breath and ruffled my hair as I looked away from her intensed stare. I just can't take it. Tss.

"Im really sorry.." I said without looking at her.

I didn't hear anything in response from her kaya naman nilingon ko ulit siya, only to find out that she's still staring, with her brows deeply furrowed. Then seconds later, she sighed. "Okay" and finally said.

I rested my head on the backrest and shut my eyes. I feel relieved and at the same time, freaking scared. Will this feeling ever be able to falter? I doubt it.

"I won't bother you anymore if that what makes you not getting mad at me." I hardly whispered as if it's against my will as my voice inaudible.

I felt her stare again kaya lakaa loob kong sinalubong ko ang tingin niya. This is one of the rare moments that I surely gonna treasure. The corner of my lips slowly curved upward as I stared back at her. She never stared at me before, ngayon lang. I felt something warm touched my heart but it abruptly wavered.

"Hindi na 'ko papasok sa loob. Don't worry, I'll keep my promise. No more panda anymore." I said then stepped out of my car.

Pagbubuksan ko sana siya ng pinto but Pamela is being Pamela. Tss. Of course, she quickly stepped out of my car too and quickly walked towards their gate. I waited for her to get in but she stayed standing there, her back remained facing me though.

"Pasok na" I said.

Lumingon siya sakin kaya nginitian ko siya. A sad smile though. And as expected, she didn't smile back. She just casually shifted her gaze foreward and finally get inside the gate. I sighed then ruffled my hair.

"Bye Pamela" I said for the last time.

**

I woke up the next day because of the annoying sounds of my ringing phone. I wanted to ignore it and go back to sleep but the fvcking phone doesn't stop ringing so I didn't have any choice but to got up and answer.

"Nephew" nagising bigla ang diwa ko nang makilala ko ang boses ni Tita Brenda.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath before answering "Tita, napatawag po kayo?"

"Did you change your mind now?" she asked.

I stopped for a second then heaved a sigh. I ruffled my already messy hair as I answered "Yeah. I'll do it"

"Good decision. Bye then" that's how she just ended the call without waiting for my violent reaction if there's any. Tss.

Napatingin ako sa orasan at napabuntong hininga na naman. Another day. Tss.

Naupo ako sa dining saka sumubsob sa table. I felt so tired. It seems to be very tiring these days. Physically and emotionally. And like a battery, need to recharge.

"Problema?" tanong ni Raven.

I sat properly and sipped on my coffee before telling him my decisions.

"Sigurado ka?" he asked. He looked doubtful. Hindi na 'ko magproprotesta dahil wala din akong tiwala sa sarili ko. Tss. "Ang tanong, kaya mo ba?"

"I don't know, to be honest" I admitted.

Leaving a person you love and watching her falling for someone else is very painful. But letting yourself stay and continue loving her is a torture. You'll still get hurt anyway, either you choose one between those two options. That's why I overlooked at the disadvantages instead.

Raven tapped my shoulder "This is the very first time I've seen you being doubtful about your decision. Where did you hide my bestfriend?" he asked then shook his head.

I told him all the plans I have in mind as we finished our breakfast. Raven seemed hesitant on supporting me when I told him I wouldn't bother Pamela anymore. He asked again if im sure so, I told him once again, my very honest answer.

"Dear Love, why handling you is so difficult?" Iiling iling na sabi ni Raven.

"It's difficult for us, maybe.. because we're both on the one-sided love" I commented.

He whispered something but I barely heard it. It's his defense mechanism. Tss.

"Tsk. I thought you're braver than me. Hindi ka pa nga nagsisimula, sumusuko ka na" sabi niya habang umiiling pa rin.

He doesn't understand. Tss. No one will understand my situation unless they've been on my shoes.

Tumayo na 'ko at pumasok sa kwarto ko. Kung wala lang sanang mawawala, matagal ko ng sinubukan. Tss.

*

I purposely went to the school five minutes before our class starts, to prevent seeing Pam and Yanna. I don't want them to see me preventing and hiding on them. Maybe Pam will wondering why or maybe not. I hope she would though. It means she cares. I don't want to think that she doesn't. Mas masakit yun. Tss.

"Trystan!" someone called behind me as I've walked to the hallway.

I knew that voice already. I even can recognize her alluring scent. She'say be just a few steps away. She smells so girly. Too sweet yet kinda addicting that you wouldn't get tired of smelling.

My steps halted and turned around to see her. She ran just to quickly cut the distance between us. I shook my head and smiled a bit. I find it cute. There's something about seeing a woman running into you. I admit, I find it annoying and creepy before but people's perspectives change as time goes by.

"Hi Trystan!" she greeted while smiling widely.

I tilted my head and stared at her then the corners of my lips curved upward. "Hi, Ashley"