The Madrigal Series 1: Stronger Than Before

Chapter 6.

#TTBWBMH6

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"TWAIN!" I pushed him away. It's not right but it feels good. Inaamin ko iyon pero hindi naman pwede na forever na lang akong tanga. Hindi ako matalino pero marunong naman akong mag-isip kahit papaano and what we did was way too wrong.

He cups my face the way he used to when we're still together. His forehead is on mine and our nose is touching while he's breathing heavily.

He is mad. Mannerisms na niya iyon kapag galit siya sa akin. It only means that he wanted to shout at me but he can't. Sa halip ay idadaan niya sa halik hanggang sa humupa ang galit niya at saka unti unting sasabihin sa akin kung ano na naman ang maling ginawa ko.

"Why are you with him?" He almost whispered, still breathing heavily while his emerald eyes are piercing through me. Para bang kahit sa tingin, gusto niyang iparamdam na galit siya.

Again, I pushed him away and every time I did, it was like I'm pinching my heart little by little. "Tama na, Twain. Masaya ka na at ganoon din ako. Bakit kailangang magkaroon pa ng ganito?"

"Do I look like I'm happy, Herrica?" Sabay yugyog niya sa balikat ko.

Gusto kong itanong din sa kaniya iyon. Pero kahit naman kasi ako, kaya ko iyong sagutin sa sarili ko. I'm not happy and I don't know when will I be. Basta ang alam ko lang, nasasaktan pa rin ako hindi lang para sa akin kung hindi para na rin kay Twain. It was like I am the biggest mistake that ever happened to him.

"I'm sorry, Twain." Umiiling kong sabi. "I'm really sorry for everything. Ako lahat ang may kasalanan kung bakit tayo nasa ganitong sitwasyon ngayon. Wala na. Hindi na iyon mababago. Pero sana maging masaya ka na." Kasi kung hindi ka magiging masaya, paano ako makaka-usad? Hindi ko iyon masabi sa kaniya.

"Herrica Alvez!"

Pinilit niya akong tumingin sa kaniya pero hindi ko kaya so, I just blankly looked at his face. Iyong tipong nakatingin nga ako pero parang wala naman akong nakikita.

"Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo?" Halos magngalit na ang mga ngipin niya. Pasakit talaga ako sa ulo ni Twain kahit kailan. "You're asking me to be happy? Huh?!" I nodded. "Then make me happy, Herrica."

Doon ako totoong napatingin sa kaniya. His eyes were full of sorrow. It was tired. It was like a green field with dust. "No, Twain! Please, don't!" I hushed him as tears fell from his eyes. Bakit ba ang iyakin ng mamang ito? For such a big man like him, he's such a cry baby.

At bakit ganito? Hindi ba dapat ay ayos na siya. It's been six months. I saw him moved on. Nakita ko kung paanong unti-unting bumalik ang ngiti sa mga labi niya. Nakita ko kung paanong ang saya-saya na niya kasama si Carla. Pero ngayon bakit ganito? He was asking me to make him happy! Why?

"You're fucking asking me to be, happy! Do you know how hard it is? Herrica, paano ako magiging masaya kung makikita kitang hawak na ng iba?"

He kissed me again. This time, hindi ko na siya itinulak but I'm still torn between answering his kisses and stopping him. His hand squeezed my left boob. Napaliyad ako roon. It was his favorite part of my body, I guess. Pero palaging banayad lang kung hawakan niya. He said he doesn't want me to get cancer dahil sa pagpisil-pisil niya sa dibdib ko.