reunited love.

Chapter 15: Hickeys

YUICHIRO'S POINT OF VIEW:

I sighed as I rested my head against the cabinet beside the toilet. I was almost sober, and I couldn't believe that I just did that with Guren. All my memories were clear, since I am now pretty sobered up and I hadn't had gotten that drunk.

I had gotten pretty drunk, though. The alcohol had influenced me to do the dirty with Guren, even if I was aware and in control of my actions. That's what I hated the most. Did I actually want to have oral sex with Guren? Or was it the alcohol's influence?

The alcohol had urged me to do it and it had made me feel horny. But was that really the truth? Cause I was totally capable of controlling my actions...

Holding my cellphone to my ear, I called a Taxi. I may be pretty sober right now but it's better to be safe than sorry... I also don't have a car. Oh, also the fact that I didn't want to go ask any of my friends to drive me home because of the state I was in. Plus, I felt like crap.

My breath smelled like shit, my hair was a mess, my head was pounding and my dick felt uncomfortable and I needed a shower, desperately.

I didn't want to be here. Mikaela's wedding. I felt like I was on the verge of tears and overall I was just so frustrated and exhausted. I've had enough of today.

I got a lot of disgusted looks as I exited the palatial mansion. It made me feel even more sad. I can't help the state I'm in. The guy I'm in love with just got married for fucks sake. He's probably outside, kissing his bride and being all happy.

Am I a slut now? For having oral sex with someone at a goddamn wedding? I'm supposed to be celebrating their marriage not giving into my own selfish, sexual desires. Not to mention, the guy is my teacher and like how many years older then me?
Fuck, that's illegal.

I'm a dirty fucking whore.

When I arrived home, I immediately stripped and threw my clothes in my laundry basket. Then, I hopped into the shower. As the hot water ran down my sore muscles, I couldn't help but cry. Too much has happened too soon. I'm in so much pain. Mikaela will never be mine. 

He belongs to Mitsuba, now. And I will not get in between them or even attempt at having an affair. I didn't like the feeling of being a whore, and I would never do something so awful; Like committing adultery.

People already think I'm disgusting. I saw the way people had stared at me with venom in their eyes as I exited the palace. They didn't like me, I was low class. I was dirty.

I loathed in my thoughts. I even thought about how rough my childhood and past was. Everyone always abandons me. I will never feel loved, or be cared for. I know now that I'll always be alone. Even when people are surrounding me. The only person I can depend on at the end of the day is myself. And it will always be that way.

Now, no one can ever show me their love and break down my wall. I am so sick and tired of feeling abandoned and betrayed by the people I love. And I've built a wall over my heart. I will not let anyone break it down. I just don't want to be hurt ever again.

As my tears came to an end, I felt like a new person. I felt tough and strong. Yet I also felt empty- extremely empty. And it wasn't a pleasant feeling. But it was better than getting hurt, right? I knew then, that my emotions were locked deep into my heart. I will never set them free.