old neighbor || carl gallagher

three

lexis pov - moving day.

"get up." my mom shook me awake forcefully. "we need to leave in a few minutes and the movers need to move your bed into the truck." i tried to grab a blanket to pull over my head to ignore her but i was only sleeping in a sweatshirt as a blanket.

"alright. i'm up. get out." i scolded as i shot my eyes open at her figure standing over me.

i felt her get off the bed and leave the room after closing my door. i got up and and rubbed my eyes, yawning and stretching out my arms. i shook my head as the thought of moving popped into my head again, the i realized i had no clothes to change into. im wearing exactly what i wore yesterday. a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a maroon shirt, and a zip up sweatshirt that i let sit across my shoulders, unzipped. i bet i smell like shit.

i walked down our creaky stairs and i see my mom talking to the worker who moved our things into the truck. as i got closer to them i saw she was flirting with the guy.

"mom, oh my god, lets go." i rolled my eyes at the situation happening in front of me.

"you go to the car, ill be there in a second." she said waving at me to go get in the car.

"so you're gonna fuck that guy in a second?" i smirked and winked at the wrinkly guy before walking out the door.

i see her say a few words to the man, then she was following after me. i get into the car and buckle my seat belt minutes before she does the same. she starts the car, letting it sit there for a solid minute for no apparent reason. then she pulls the car in drive and we are off on our 'road trip.'

//

we have been driving for over 2 hours and in the last 20 minutes she has stopped the car to pee twice.

"are you pregnant or something, why do you piss so much." i asked using an upset voice.

"i drank to much last night." she replied, she said it knowing i was going to have something to say.

"of course. so you drank last night and you are driving me around? are you even sober?" i squinted my eyes at her.

"water. i drank water" she looked over at me. i couldn't tell if she was lying or not but i continued.

"bullshit."

"you know what, no. not bullshit. i did drink water because i knew i was driving you today. i knew that i had to be sober. so i drank water to try and get some type of fix for myself so i didn't have an ounce of alcohol in me today. lexi, im trying my best on being a good mother. its just hard. i should have never had a kid." she said, but i don't think she understood what she said or what that meant to me. "im sorry that im not a great mother, and that im always gone and that i have a new boyfriend every week, but thats me, its what i do. im not good but at least im here.' she looks over at me for a second before reconnecting her eyes to the road. "i love you more than you think. okay? i'm trying. i may not be the best but i'm fucking trying."

she hasn't said those three words to me since i was four.

i looked at her, and then back to the road. "okay." was all i said. i didn't know how to tell her i loved her back. after the stuff she puts me through, i didn't even know if i did love her back. i may have came out of her. i may be a replica of her. i may be blood, but that doesn't mean i automatically love her. she has done nothing but be a fucked up. how do you love someone who's a fuck up? someone who is horrible one day and good the next. someone who's a pathological liar, a drunk, mentally abusive. how do you love someone who can't stand you?