Living With O2L

Chapter Fifty Three

Connors POV: 

"It has been a week since that awful day. Nobody has really known what to do. We all want her back, Trevor has struggled with it the most... understandable I guess. He really doesn't know what to think, I can tell he is mad.. I himself, at her, at the world. I can't help but think, why didn't she talk to someone? She survived so much. Just to give up. That easy. One moment she was here and the next she was gone. No goodbye? Or note? It just seems unreal. I want to go look through Kitty's things to see if we missed something but nobody has really set foot in there. Today is the day"

I set the pen down that i was just writing with and walk over to the door. I slowly twist the knob and walk down the hall. I pause for a moment. I ask myself if I really want to go in there. Look at everything... remember... But after only a few moments I find myself opening the door. I slowly step inside and flip the light on. It seems so off. Like the place that was once filled with happiness and laughter has somehow been swapped out with an old storage room. Locked and never opened.  

I let out a slight sigh and walk over to a box and start going through. I find photos that Kitty once had all over the walls and in frames, now they are put in a box like it never happened. Like she was never here. Like all of it was some horrid nightmare. But its not. It did happen. I feel a tear slowly fall from my eye. I didn't even know I was crying. I feel numb. In the worst way I can think of.  I sit there sobbing and going through boxes for the next 2 hours before I find her phone. There is was at the bottom of a box. Dead and cold. I slowly reach in and grab it, almost without thinking I grab a charger, then walk over to the wall and plug it in. This could have something. Texts? A note in an app telling us why? Something... anything?...  I sit starring blankly at the black screen for a few minutes. Once I'm sure it has enough of a charge to turn on I hold the power button and see the screen come to life. 

I feel like heart rip into a million pieces as I look at her home screen. There she is with all of us looking as happy as can be. Holding Sammy's hand while we all goof off in the background. It seems like so long ago... Zombie like I go through the phone. App by app. Text by text, still coming up with nothing, I decide it is time to give up. She didn't leave anything and we all just have to accept that. I look at the phone once more and decide that I should go through the pictures and send them to myself if I want any of the group pictures or even just pictures she's taken. I breathe in deeply preparing myself and open the gallery. 

The most recent thing is a video, from the day she died... Taken in this very room. I close my eyes and wince slightly. It feels like I've been punched. So much grief inside of me.  I take a moment because clicking on the video. 

___________________________________________

Video:

I look into the camera. This is it. I feel myself getting nervous. What do you say to the people you love most? The very last things they will hear? I didn't plan this at all. But here it goes...

"Hey... It's Kitty..." I start and let of a half hearted laugh "Well that was stupid... you can already tell it's me" I pause. How do I even do this?

Breathing in I continue, "You guys may think what I am doing is selfish.. And in a way yes it is. But I'm also doing it to protect you guys. I love all of you and hope that you loved me too. Sammy will be safe with you guys... If you listen to me. I couldn't do it. I cant keep fighting anymore my mind is so fucked up. I don't want to face my dad or kidnapper in court. I'd rather die... so I am" I feel the tears run down my face as I am talking but I don't care at his point. "Trevor I was so in love with you, like more than I could ever dream of. But this wasn't your fault. I understand that you didn't want to hurt me. And I get that at one point you really did think that you loved me. Thank you. That is all I can say. Thank you for showing me what a good person is. Thank you for sticking by me through everything, for making me smile and for taking care of me when I was at my worst. I love you I really do. I really do hope you are happy, I'm sorry for all I put you though" I trying to smile while crying but it doesn't work that well. 

"Connor, thank you for being someone I could talk to no matter what it was. I loved you like a brother.. A brother with much better fashion than I" I laugh slightly "I hope that you will always remember me. And take care of them okay?"

"Ricky... Kian.... I didn't know you both that well but I love you guys. So much you made my smile with stupid jokes and just small things always making a joke... Take care okay?" 

"Sam.. you are so sweet. You are one of the people I could have deep convos with at 4 am. I'm gonna miss that... But Connor and Trev are really good at that too. So you can still help ha.. I love you, Make sure they stay out of trouble" 

"Oh.. last but not least... Jc.... Hey... I really appreatate you. singing stupidly to me. Dancing and making me smile, Sammy loves you so much. Take care of her please? Thank you I love you. And keep everything smiling. Tell Sammy whatever you need to tell her. But I love her. Forever.." Tears are pouring out now. 

"Well it's time for me to go. Bye everyone. Oh.... and move, move away and never come back keep her safe, goodbye." I smile with tears flowing and turn the camera off.