The Book of Lies | yoonmin

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 19

It's been a week since I started avoiding my husband. Tuwing uuwi ako, matutulog ako sa guest room kaysa sa kwarto namin dahil alam kong sya lang yung maaalala ko. Tuwing kakain ako, sa malapit na restaurant ako kakain dahil ayoko syang maalala habang kumakain ako. I want to avoid everything that reminds me of him.

I also drowned myself in working my ass off as a manager of a resort and an owner of a coffee shop. I need to at least distract myself so I would not remember him. It's working for me but there are times that I still miss him.

Kung pwede ko lang sanang utusan yung puso ko na wag nang masaktan, baka ginawa ko na.

I never had any respect for myself. For three years, pinaasa ko yung sarili ko na babalik si Yoongi. Kahit masakit at nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa, I never lost any hope. Because I loved him.

I had enough from Suga's lies. He is not the one whom I love. He is not the one that I know for so long. He is not my husband.

Pakiramdam ko ibang tao sya dahil yung mga bagay na hinding hindi gagawin ni Suga sakin, ginawa nya. It feels like I lost the purpose of my life.

Nakarinig ako ng katok galing sa pintuan ng office ko at nakita ko si Namjoon hyung na pumasok. Nakasuot sya ng glasses habang binabasa yung mga papel na dala nya, "Eto yung plans para sa pagpapaayos ng resort. You should read those crap."

"Okay." Sagot ko. Kinuha ko yung mga papel saka tinignan yun. Pakiramdam ko magbabasa ako ng thesis dahil sa makapal na papers na nasa harapan ko.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm not okay but I'm doing my best to be okay." I said while looking at him, "I feel empty. I feel like I lost half of me. I feel like I'm already dead. Ganito kasakit yung nararamdaman ko."

"Sometimes, the person we least expect that will hurt us has more capability to destroy us." Namjoon said before leaving me alone.

Masyado akong nagtiwala sa pagmamahal ni Suga sakin. Masyado akong nagtiwala na hindi nya ako sasaktan dahil all those years that we've been together, hindi nya pinakita sakin na sasaktan nya ako ng ganito.

I was blinded with his love that I forgot how to love myself.

And when he hurted and left me, he left a big scar on my heart. He destroyed my life.

Lunch break came and I felt my stomach wailing. Nagrereklamo na siguro sya kasi lagi syang walang natatanggap. Minsan lang talaga ako kumain dahil kahit pinipilit ko, wala pa rin akong gana.

Nakasalubong ko si Seulgi nung paglabas ko at nakita kong stress na stress na sya dahil sa dami ng trabaho namin. Nilapitan ko sya pero hindi pa rin nya ako napapansin.

"Kang Seulgi." I called her name. Napatingin sya sakin at parang nagulat pa sya nung nakita nya ako sa harapan nya.

"Kanina ka pa ba nandyan? Sorry, hindi kita napansin." Sabi nya saka pinakita sakin yung folder na hawak nya.

Kinuha ko yun saka nilapag sa information desk, "Keep that." Sabi ko sa staff. Hinawakan ko yung kamay ni Seulgi kaya mas nagulat sya.

"Tara na." Sabi ko pero napahinto ako nung hindi naglalakad si Seulgi.

"Where are we going? I have a lot of work to do. Hindi ako pwedeng umalis." Sabi nya pero umiling ako.

"You can do that later. Tutulungan pa kita if you want. I just need someone right now so please?"