Pharaoh's Queen {HIATUS}

39: " Overthinking Is Poision "

Kiya's P.O.V

"What?"I choked on the mere memory of what he said.

"Why do you look so pale?"

"I was not mentally prepared,"I placed my hand on my chest and tapped it a few times. Where it was memories or not choking was choking.

"I was throwing a lot of hints."

I paused and reviewed the conversation. They all missed me. I was not really focusing on his words, I just listened .

"Can we sit? I need to sit down ," I took his hand and pulled him from the balcony to the room.

He was always a straight forward soul from the first day, he throws hints for the first time and they all missed me.
It puzzled me. How does he know that I have any feelings for him and for that matter, enough to give him a child?

"I am not necessarily saying now," he scratched the back of his head.

"I see."

"I trust you understand how important this is to m- overall."

"Of course I do. The royal line needs to keep going ,"I said.

He cleared his throat, " I will wait on you,like I have always been doing so do not worry yourself."

When he said it like that, I felt like a bad person and it made it harder for me to say I did not want a child. Well I have never focused on having any.

"Did you just decide ?" I mumbled.

"No , that would be stupid to make such  a decision based on a short interaction that happened the day before. I have been thinking about the matter for a while now , the happenings of yesterday just finalized my thoughts."

When did he become Amenei with me?
He was just staring at me like he was rummaging through my thoughts reading what would crush him making me into the perfect monster. One who sticks by him to punish him emotionally for only reasons which lie in my cold dark heart  disguised to be warm and caring by dipping it in cheap sugar coated love I see from passersby and warm ashes sprinkled in to the cracks that the love could not fill.

"Kiya! Are you there?" He snaps his fingers in front of my face. "You are doing it again."

Did I just give myself away?
He is probably screaming :Selfish! Selfish! Selfish! Zahra would not have been that way! Why did I choose you ? No matter how much time I give it is never enough! How will someone like you support me ? Just go! You wanted to leave anyway now I am giving you my permission !
If I were him would I scream selfish to my face? Would I be patient with myself?

"Kiya! Stop getting distracted!" I felt myself being pushed down on the bed.

"I promise I am not selfish!"I blurted out.

"What ? What are you saying?"He asked puzzled. "I never said you were selfish Kiya. Where did you get that from?"

I paused for a moment. I zoned out and my thoughts took over. I am easily distracted. "My head,"I finally replied.

"Your head? So you thought I said that?"

"I got distracted. I apologize."

"Why would I say that?"

"Nothing. "

"Kiya stop avoiding my question and be straight forward with me please."

"Excuse me I need to think about your request. Far away...outside...do not follow me . I am going now."I got up and left him . I played that off quiet well. I need wise words and advice right now.