Out Of My League (Under Revision) (Book 1)

Chapter Nine

The week had passed by unbelievably quickly. Every time I saw Colton in the hallways, I turned the other way or went down another corridor if I was close to one. I didn't avoid him just because he calls me 'Cupcake'. I avoid him because I just don't want see him. Simple as that. I was being honest when I said that kindness was a one-time deal.

"Ells, you're being awfully quiet today." Kara said as we walked down the mall with shopping bags in our hands.

"Yeah. I mean, usually you're a bit more talkative." Eleighna sided with Kara. When Kara came over to pick me up, Eleighna ran into her, and they got started on why Victoria's Secret's bras were absolutely some of the best bras a girl could ever call her best friend.

"I'm just tired today." Soon enough, we were already inside my car.

"You've been acting like this for the past few days, Ellie." Kara pressed. Eleighna was in the backseat listening to, no doubt, Selena Gomez. She was so in her own world, I was sure that she didn't hear a single bit of our conversation.

"I'm fine."

"Elliana, are you having those thoughts again?" Kara questioned. "I've seen this happen once before. It went somewhat like this. I'm not going to risk it this time."

I just thought about the fact that I can't actually trust anybody here. I only trust one person and that's Kara. I can't trust, and the thoughts of believing that nobody will actually take care of that trust, just leads me to believe that nobody actually cares. Nobody would actually care for me. I know that nobody would. I know that people would talk about how they loved me, yet they never knew me - I know that would happen if I just leave. Thoughts get to you, and they sure as hell got to me a long time ago.

"You are, aren't you?"

"I told you, I'm fine." I gritted through my teeth at a stoplight. "Why would I have those thoughts now? I was a total dumbass that year."

"No, you weren't. Those were thoughts that came to you out of emotional and mental stress."

"I have to put gas." I said as we turned into a gas station.

"I'll go pay." Kara got out of the car not even giving me enough time to give her the money.

Thoughts were getting to me again and I didn't want to admit it. I wanted to stay quiet about everything - People would know and if people know, they judge and secondly, why should people worry about me?

"It's all paid for." Kara said followed by car door opening then closing.

As I looked down at my wrist, while putting the gas in, my eyes glazed over the fading, vertical and horizontal lines on my skin.

I cut to get rid of pain, by using even more pain. It went away for those few seconds, then it just came back. I've always believed that physical pain was always better than emotional pain - physical pain goes away, emotional just fades but is still visible if you look deep enough.

'Ding' I looked up to see that the gas was finished. I put the gas handle away, got in my car, and drove to the Grey Residence.

The ride was silent. Kara was mad and by the amount of silence, I'm surprised she hasn't beat me yet.

**

Kara had driven off after saying bye to both Eleighna and I. I knew she was pissed about my unspoken confession - I didn't admit it, but she knew.

"That was nice, wasn't it?" Eleighna asked. Oh, if only you knew.

"Yeah, it was great." I said as I walked upstairs. As I set the bags down in my rented room, I felt someone's presence behind me.