Matches ♕ Bughead

♕ | Chapter Nineteen

chapter nineteen: manhunt

♕betty♕

THE BUS was filled with a mixture of different types of people from all of the edges of town. In the back sat the druggies, with the whites of their eyes painted in a silky red and their fingers trembling against the seats. In the front sat the elderly with their canes and walkers placed neatly beside them, taking up another entire seat. Near the sides closet to the windows sat the loners, the individuals who could not quite find their place. Often times they had their noses buried deep into a book, or their eyes glued to the scenery around them through the clear transparent windows.

As I observed these people by the window did I realize I could very easily fit in with them. They were just simple people who could not quite find their place in the world. They played on the down-low, keeping to themselves and used other things such as literature or nature to distract them from the guilt, remorse, and all the other conflicts clouding their head. On the outside they appeared normal, content, but deep down I knew there was a silent suffering that I could relate to.

There's nothing worse than not knowing who you are, and often times I find myself questioning who exactly I identify myself as. More often than not, I don't even recognize the thoughts that soar around my head as my own. Some of them are so dark, so distant that I am convinced there is a part of me that is foreign, that doesn't belong. I guess that is why I often find pleasure in writing, reporting about the world's dark secrets instead of exposing my own.

"Hey," Jughead whispers, placing a hand on my shaking knee. Ever since we got onto this bus half an hour ago, my foot would not stop tapping against the cold ground. "Today we find answers, yeah?" He says gently, almost encouragingly.

"I hope so." I sigh, leaning my head back against the window. Jughead and I decided to place ourselves on the middle of the bus closer to the elderly, as frankly the thick smog cloud of weed radiating from the back was not very pleasing. However, after the encounter with grandma Rose Blossom, I am not so sure I am very fond of old people any more.

"Is it normal?" I ask, partially asking myself aloud. "To be shaking this much, I mean?" I stare down at my trembling hands, trying desperately to get them to stop. It appears that even this time, my anxiety coping techniques and deep breathing are not working.

"You have not seen your sister in over two months. Of course this is normal." He smiles down at me. "Everything will be better once you see her, trust me." He assures me as I bite my lip.

I only nod, not saying anything as I ball my hands up in a fist as a last attempt to calm my nerves. Slowly as my nails dig into my skin I feel myself calming down, the pain from my flesh tearing apart beneath my nails distracting me from the anxiety that has consumed me.

"Here." Jughead suddenly says, nudging my shoulder.

I'm confused at first, but then my eyes wander down to his hand that is held out for me, offering to take my hand in his. "Just to give you something to hold on to." He shrugs nonchalantly, smiling none the less.