Matches ♕ Bughead

♕ | Chapter Thirty-Seven

chapter thirty-seven: landslide

♕betty♕

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IF YOU'VE ever played Jenga, you know how serious of a game it can be. Designed for children above the ages of 8, it is a simple, yet deadly game when mixed with a hint of competition. All you do is pull sticks from a one foot high tower and hope that it doesn't fall. Sounds easy right?

If you play the game long enough, you'll realize it's more than just pulling sticks from a inevitably falling tower; it's about strategy.

You can't just pull out any stick you want, or you risk collapsing the whole tower. You have to plan out the sticks you pull, weigh the chances you're taking and their potential consequences. You need to map out a solution to the problem in front of you or else everything will falter.

In a way, that's what I've been doing these past several weeks. I've been pulling out Jenga sticks, taking risks in hopes that I'll somehow win this game. Of course by winning this game I mean solving all my problems.

Sure solving Jason's murder isn't directly my problem, but it's still my town and Cheryl is still somehow my friend and deep down I need to solve this case not just for Cheryl or Polly, but for me too. I have the need to prove to myself that I am not weak, that I am strong.

Of course, Jason's murder isn't the only problem on my plate, but it's the major one. School is stressful and my concern for Cheryl's wellbeing grows every day, not to mention my own mental wellbeing due to the fact I was basically kidnapped by the Blossoms.

However, despite all these problems that were meant to cause my Jenga tower to collapse, it stayed standing....that is until tonight.

When Polly hopped in that cab and drove away in the pouring rain, I felt the tower collapse. Polly leaving was the single stick that made everything cave in on itself, the one thing to truly defeat me, erasing all chances of victory.

Now all I see in front of me is pure devastation, the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize you can't win; that feeling in Monopoly when you land on Boardwalk with a hotel placed upon it and realizing there is no way on earth you can cover that cost . It appears my whole life is a game, and I've just lost at it.

I had thought that Polly would stay with our family until the baby was born, even after to help raise it. I imagined myself rocking the baby asleep in the attic rocking chair, or holding Polly's hand in the delivery room. I had put all my hope and faith in one Jenga stick, hoping that would not be picked but I played my cards wrong. Tonight that stick was pulled and the tower collapsed.

My whole world has collapsed.

I don't think I can handle it. I can't handle anything. I can't handle the thought of losing my sister to the Blossoms. I can't. I just can't.