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♕ | Chapter Thirty-Six

chapter thirty-six: no going back 

♛archie♛

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ON THE first day of freshmen year, I had one problem and one problem only; making the football team. I've never been the smartest person with the best marks or intelligent mind, so football was basically the only thing I had going for me. I basically planned to rely on it for scholarships, letting my talent on the field decide my future. To be honest I never really knew what I wanted to do with myself in the future. I mean, sure I love football, but I'm not obsessed with it enough to pursue it my entire life. I never really understood what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. 

That was until last summer. 

I don't know when exactly it clicked, but one day I realized how much I actually enjoyed playing the guitar, how much I actually loved writing poetry. Next thing I knew I opened my mouth and just sang, like it was nothing. It came so naturally, like I have been doing it forever. It was if all of a sudden a new side of me had been unleashed, a side to me that I never knew I had. 

I fell in love with music instantly, loved the feeling it gave me. The way my heart slowed down and my chest filled with excitement every time I picked up a guitar was like putting drugs into my veins. 

I guess you could say my newfound love for music has taken over my life. However, there's only one problem; there's a part of me that refuses to believe the only reason I ever fell in love with music was because of her. 

Her with the long amber hair and pristine glasses. The her that made my heart stop and my palms sweaty. Now the thought of her makes my palms sweat for an entirely different reason. 

That woman has not only threatened my friends, but she's directly threatened Betty. 

I knew at the time of the affair that what we were doing was wrong, yet I couldn't stop myself. It was if I was drowning in a dark abyss, and she was my only light. Looking back at it now, I can see that I was just drowning in her lethal poison. She was only holding me back. 

I guess what Alice Cooper did was a good thing, as she saved me from completely ruining my life. I can't imagine where that toxic relationship would have taken us. I'm just glad she's no longer part of my life. 

I guess that's why I feel this immense anger growing within me. I have just settled on letting her go, throwing her out of my life. I moved on, put my focus on school and my music, and even strengthened my relationship with Valerie. 

Now all of a sudden she's come back and threatened my friends, Betty in particular. Sure Betty and I aren't on the best terms right now, but that's understandable. I've made my mistakes, but some part of me is keen on believing that  if I can save her from my past, she can somehow forgive me in the future. Betty is still my friend, and even if she doesn't think the same of me, I can't just let Geraldine ruin her life; I owe Betty that.