Destroying everything {Lasercorn}

»•20•«

Wow we're already on 20. I feel like I've come a long way. Also ***important*** ⚠️trigger warning⚠️ talks of suicidal thoughts and (sorta) actions. Stay safe and stay alive guys. I will put a summary of the chapter at the end if you don't want to read it. Please don't trigger yourselves dudes.

Love

–the author

************

Lex

»•day of funeral•«

I wore a long black sweater dress with black tights and black wedges. I braided my hair and put on some makeup. That was it. For me. I didn't do anything else other than really face (foundation, concealer, powder) and mascara. My brother wore a suit and we walked down the stairs of Ryan and Abbeys house. Ryan still lived with his mom and Abbey was just getting ready to get her own place.

Mikki had been waiting for awhile. They weren't able to sleep due to nightmares. They were up at four getting ready. They also decided to wear a suit. We all sat in silence waiting on my mom and Ryan's mom.

They came out of the bedroom and we all loaded up in the car going to the funeral. We were silent the whole time. I was told that I was gonna be speaking at the funeral. Which wasn't going to be easy for me. I didn't know what to say. They both were like my greatest friends.

We arrived and we got out and walked inside. We sat in our seats and the funeral started a few minutes later once everyone was seated. I blanked out for a minute thinking about all of the memories we had together but what abruptly shaken out of my thoughts by my brother. He shook me a bit and I realized it was my turn to speak.

I rose and went to the stand at the front. My anxiety kicked in but I let it go when I started talking. "Abbey. She was my best friend. We knew each other from when we were in maybe last year of elementary school up until now. She was the funniest randomest person I'd meet and we were a great duo. We were totally inseparable. And then we met Ryan. Ryan was amazing. He was so unique and fun to be around and..." I started to tear up. "I remember meeting him and thinking 'He is gonna do something great when he's older' and I'm so upset that he didn't live past the tragedy."

"I remember when we were fourteen I think and my brother was 18 maybe or turning 18 atleast. Abbey tokd me she had a crush on Wes. And I teased her a bit but told her that he'd probably not date her due to age. She got so upset but I told her that if she still felt that way when they were older than maybe she had a shot. Because when your young its weird. But once you're older you know people who are 10 years apart and married and its not that big of a deal because they aren't young. I remember her very blatantly flirting with him and he'd get flustered about it. And I remember Ryan when he first got his haircut and my brother helped him go clothes shopping and how happy he was that Wes helped him out." By now I was crying.

"And I remember Abbey when she came out to her parents as bi and she was kicked out and she stayed with me for a month and then Ryans mom let her move in for the rest of High school. I remember Abbey, well actually all of them. Abbey, Ryan, and Mikki. But especially Abbey, pushing me to stay alive and wait it out. They all encouraged me to keep going. I mean they all had it worse than me except for really Ryan. But I mean Ryan still got pushed around at school but thats normal for people. Abbey and Mikki had unsupportive family members and rude classmates to deal with. I just had failing grades and anxiety and depression that I was dealing with." I was nearly bawling my eyes out now. It was almost hard to breath.