Fucked Up Heart // Tyler Joseph + Jenna Black

6. Fucked Up Heart

Song I associate with this chapter:
Gasoline by Halsey

While Tyler was walking from school, he felt a million buzzes in his jeans. He took out his phone to see a bunch of text messages from Melanie and Josh.

Dog Breath 👽: Melanie, are you okay?

Crybaby 🚬🍼: Yeah Josh, I'm fine
Crybaby 🚬🍼: It's healing a little bit.

But Melanie was lying. It was just worse and the hurt girl was rummaging through Josh's parents' mirror in their bathroom looking for concealer.

Dog Breath 👽: Why are you taking so long in the bathroom?

She huffed and finally saw one, glancing down at the notification from Josh.

Melanie ignored it and steadily dabbed some on the bruise. It wasn't very visible, so this could easily fool Josh.

Crybaby 🚬🍼: Sorry. I'm coming out now.

Baby Boy 💀🔪: You guys still know I'm in this group chat too, right?

Crybaby 🚬🍼: Well Jesus Christ Tyler, you didn't have to punch the living shit out of me.

Baby Boy 💀🔪: Do I care? No. You were bothering me so the only way to shut you up was to hit you, obviously it worked, if you have a problem confront me in person.
Baby Boy 💀🔪: I absolutely have no problem. 

Dog Breath 👽: Tyler, shut the fuck up. What the hell is your problem? She was just trying to help you!

Baby Boy 💀🔪: By annoying me and telling me shit that isn't true, yeah, sure.

Dog Breath 👽: You're oblivious, Tyler.

He rolled his eyes and scoffed, continuing his walk but bumping into someone, making them fall.

The person looked up to reveal it was Jenna. This made him roll his eyes again and run, but passing his house. 

He ran to the train station, even though it was 20 minutes away. Tyler waited for his train. He knew exactly where he was going.

His train finally came and he walked on the train, far to the back. He got a few dirty looks from strangers, and when he sat down next to a lady with a child, presumably about 5, she moved away.

Are you insane like me?

Tyler sighed and reached into his pocket to take out his butterfly knife, twirling it gently as a coping mechanism. People around him backed away even more, although he didn't know why. It's not like he was a threat; he was simply minding his business.

Been in pain like me?

He began to think about Melanie and started twirling the knife faster, then placing it on his finger and spinning it on his index finger.

Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?  

"Momma, why does that man have a knife? Is he gonna kill us?" The little girl asked.

The mother sighed and picked her up, placing her on her leg. "Don't worry about it."

This made Tyler tense up and grip his knife, slicing a little cut on his palm.

Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me? 

The hopeless boy looked out the train window and saw it was raining. He always loved cloudy days like this.

He heard a few girls his age snickering and glancing at him every second.
"That guy is so weird."

"He's such an emo."

Tyler stood up and walked over to the girls, clenching his fists. "Can I help you?"

All of them grew quiet and cleared their throat, Tyler smirking. "Good. That's what I thought."

The train beeped and the door opened. Tyler looked over his shoulder to see the door open, and he quickly ran out.

He ran passed strangers, picking up his sweater from his shoulder whenever it fell.

Tyler reached outside and looked around, taking out his phone and dialing his friend, Brendon Urie. He was Tyler's age, only a year older than him so being 19.

"I'm at the train station. Can you come and pick me up?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there."

Tyler smiled and hung up, digging his hands into his pocket and slowly walking, staring at the ground.

Currently, he didn't know what to think about anymore. The thought of Melanie popped into his head once in a while, but Tyler tried to push that all the way back to his head. Seeing the sight of her on the ground in pain because of him, and seeing where he marked his territory from the punch mark made him feel nearly sacrilegious. He knew it was the right thing to do and he didn't have no regrets floating around him.

You can't wake up, this is not a dream.
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being

A few minutes passed and a car slowly drove next to him and honked.

Tyler looked up to see Brendon sitting in the driver seat and he walked in the passenger's side.

They sat in silence for a while until Brendon spoke up.

"Okay dude.. the only time you come here is when you have a problem.. so what happened?" He glanced at Tyler who was still staring at the ground.

"Just.. too much shit, man. I need something to clear my mind."

The silence came again and Brendon looked out on the road, turning the key. "Sure."

---

They were at Brendon's house, both of them sitting on the floor, high on weed from him.

Brendon was a drug dealer, and dealt drugs to Tyler sporadically. The illegal substances consisted of weed, rarely cocaine, and other unnamed drugs, but it was mostly the weed Tyler had his eye on. He used it to cope or to get high for the fun of it.

Tyler has smoked weed before and he enjoyed every part of it. They also had alcohol and vodka, taking shots every second.

"Duu-u-de, this is so... good." Tyler slurred then laughing for no reason.

Laughing so hard, he accidentally threw up on Brendon's carpet which made Brendon laugh harder. They were definitely drunk.

"So why did you co--" Brendon held his chest and hiccuped. "come here?"

Tyler sighed and grinned, throwing his head back. "This girl.. Jenna.. always giving me shit for no reason. I think I like her, I don't know. She pisses the hell-l-l out of me. Then this other bitch, Melanie.. annoyed the hell out of me, so I punched her."

Brendon grinned aswell. "How'd you feel?"

"I felt great. Then Jenna, I scared her, she cried, I loved it."

"Alright!" Brendon high fived.

Tyler slowly stood up, tumbling a little bit then falling on his back. He stared at Brendon and started laughing deliriously and standing up again.

He entered the bathroom and locked it, picking up his joint and smoking it.

Are you deranged like me?
Are you strange like me?

He stared at himself and tears started forming in his eyes. The way how he looked, even felt was disgusting. His eye bags were visibly there, but it was so heavily large, it made his entire face look quizzical. He felt quizzical about who he was and what he was doing. A hurricane of wild emotions, he was.

Pointing fingers 'cause you'll never take the blame like me?

Tyler started to cry and grip his hair with his hands, then throwing himself on the floor.

He let out all his emotions he was bottling up all this time.
He didn't mean to hurt Melanie.

He didn't mean to hurt Jenna.

He didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?