Fishboy

Day Ten

Day 10

January 11

The service for my kind was today. It was hard to go to. And it was somewhat respectful of them. Though I felt that they should have been floated into the ocean. To be remembered as part of the water that they had once belonged to. But it isn't the human's fault at all. They have no real means of communication with our kind. And I didn't know what to tell any of them. They'd either not believe me or they'd think I was lying. Either way I just wasn't able to do the funeral like it was supposed to be done.

Chiyaru couldn't come with me to the funeral. He was busy with work and other things. Daiyu got to come with me instead. She said that today is her day off, so she came with. Since I didn't have anything to wear that was of proper color, Daiyu lent me some of her little brother's clothes. We wore white to the funeral.

Apparently, it is a custom here.

I really don't wish to go into detail about the funeral, but it was a lovely service. The humans treated each of my fellow creature's bodies with more respect than I expected of them. And the whole time I had to make sure I wasn't crying. Our culture never cries. It's considered much too distasteful, and we just physically can't.

But Daiyu did. Even though she didn't know any of them, neither did I, she shed tears for them. I guess she felt bad about how they were treated like I did. Anyway, we went home after that and ate the food I had prepared. Though I'm not sure she was a huge fan of fish.

It's always been a custom to either eat the flesh of the departed or fish to honor them after a funeral. We normally don't eat it cooked but I wanted to try cooked fish. Eloni helped me with the right spices for each of the fish. It wasn't any fancy recipe. Just some cooked fish with rice, bread that I got from another neighbor when I moved in and some vegetables. Eloni bought those for me. He thinks I'm looking a bit pale and need to have some vegetables in my diet. I guess he's right.

Though I don't know what I'm supposed to look like either. Having a non-gray skintone is kind of still freaky to me. And I'm still not used to the whole showering thing. At least I don't seem to smell bad to everyone. Anyway. Daiyu left a little while ago, so I decided to put my wheelchair into my room and tried to walk.

This time the results weren't as good. In fact, they were horrible. I couldn't take one step or even stand without my legs buckling under my weight. Sure, I managed to pull myself back onto my bed without much difficulty but still. I shouldn't be this weak still. My tail was so strong when I was in the water, why aren't my legs? Does this mean I'm going to be confined to a wheelchair? Well. That wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to me though. After all my wheelchair is pretty sturdy and no one treats me different while I'm in it. No one treats me like shit for not being able to speak either.

Well except for the guy at the store that one time two days ago. But Eloni told him off for being closed minded and got me some naan.

It's taking me a while to learn sign language though, it's more difficult than I anticipated. Daiyu says I'm doing well at this but I'm not quite certain that I am. I'm not even sure if what I'm doing is really all that worth it though. Not because it's hard but because I've really wondered if moving far away from my family is a good choice. They don't know about the fishermen or anything about this stuff. My friends deserve to know that the humans are 'accidently' catching us in nets now. I'm worried that they'll become an accidental target for at least one ship. Or worse.

Scientists.

Lately there have been scientists debating on whether or not they should test on mermaids. While most find it inhumane to do so...others decided it would be okay. To them, our kind feels no pain. Or at least don't understand when they're screaming in pain. They believe that the mermaids are perfect for testing, dissecting and anything else due to how they're built. And a lot of other things that are disgustingly wrong. I and a lot of others are going to protest the shit out of this. There's no way that I'd let anyone harm my kind at all.

Even if use up my year to ensure all of their safety to do so.

If one of my friends ends up being taken by one of them, I don't know what I'd do. They, it would be, I'm not sure how much of this would be my fault. I can't be sure if I'll be able to find a way. There's no magic in me to send a message to the Seawitch. My wheelchair won't allow me to get near water because the sand would mess up my gears. And I think that Eloni is deeply afraid of the water now.

Especially after he, apparently, didn't jump into that water of his own free will that night. A few of his own 'friends' threw him into the rough waves because they thought it would be funny. And they were all drinking at the time. They are no longer his friends and that really goes without saying. I'm so glad for that.

Eloni tells me that he remembers that something pulled him from the water and back onto a different part of shore. That someone was holding him close, breathing life into him. But he couldn't see who it was though. All he really remembers is how weird and slick they felt. He even thinks it's a mermaid. Which isn't wrong. Though he can't remember what they really look like because they swam off too fast.

I would have told him that the merman was myself. But the whole no speaky thing coupled with the fact that this is hard to explain...yeah, I doubt that he would believe me at all. After all it's easy to explain mermaids scientifically but magic isn't as easy. Not everyone can believe in something they can't touch or rationally explain. Especially if they can't rationally explain why, it happened or how. Even I can't explain just how the Seawitch turned me human. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to rationally explain that.

I'm sure I can explain that later. Right now, I'm going to try and make myself a snack. Using my wheelchair this time, of course. I'm still debating on whether or not to have some toast or a sandwich. Kinda really hungry so toast is out. But not in the mood for a sandwich. Oh well I'll eat whatever looks great in the refrigerator.

I'll write whenever I get the chance to. Might not be tomorrow because Chiyaru and I are going to be doing some exercises. He's really been stressing the importance of staying in shape. I'm not sure if he's saying this for me or himself. Though he seems in decent shape though. Chiyaru is a weird one.

Oh well. Later.

Olwen.