Having Toms Baby (a Tom Hiddleston story)

Confused feelings

*Celestia*
I walk into the living-room, finding Tom on the couch watching tv. He is propped into one corner of the big U shaped couch, his long legs stretched in front of him.

"Hi Tom. Where is Felicity ?" I had expected her to be there.

"Hi Tia darling. She is at a dinner meeting, it is some business thing. It is probably going to be late". He says, sending me a soft smile.

I am not really sure what to do. I have been trying not to be alone with Tom, unsure if I can keep the promise we made to each other. I am already having such a hard time with it, it is almost impossible to stop thinking about him and that night.

"I better go up to my room then... I...". I start saying. It is emotionally hard feeling this confused all the time. I start to turn towards the door, planning to leave.

I hear Tom move, then he softly asks. "Why don't you stay here a bit ? Watch some tv with me, like we used to. I... I kind of miss it".

"Tom, I don't think...". I cut myself off as I look at his face. He looks so uncertain, hurt and rejected. I miss it too, to be honest. We are two adults that had given into some urges that should have stayed hidden. We should be able to act normal around each other. "Okay then, maybe just a little while".

He smiles happily. A smile that never fails to make butterflies erupt in my stomach. And then he pats on the couch beside him. "Come sit darling".

She pad over and sit down about a foot away from him, but he shakes his head slightly. Then his long arm snakes around me, pulling me in to sit beside him.

The hand slides up on my stomach. "So how are my two little princesses doing today, or three including their mother ?"

"Well, besides being a bit tired I am fine. These two little troublemakers ...". I slide my hand down beside his. "Are kicking up a storm. I think they are fighting in there".

"Maybe they think the room is getting a little cramped". He says, softly caressing my growing stomach. "You haven't grown much, considering there are two in there".

"I feel like a whale". I say with a giggle. I absolutely love it when he caresses my stomach like this, almost like he is softly running his hand directly over the babies.

"You don't look like a whale". He says softly, and he leans down resting his cheek gently on my stomach. "You two little rascals, behave and be good to you beautiful mother okay ?"

And as if they can hear him, both babies decide to kick at him, making him chuckle, and glance up at me. "They really are trouble, those two".

He loves feeling our kids like this. Sitting here with me, feeling our precious babies kick and move. He has told me that. I am almost certain that it makes him almost forget Felicity. It feels so perfect, like we are really a family and I can't help letting out a content sigh.

I gently run my hand through his hair, I am not really planning it or thinking too much about it. His hair is just looking so soft and I feel an intense urge to touch it. My touch makes him hum in appreciation.

He pulls himself up to sit again and holds out his arm. I give in to him, knowing it isn't really such a good idea, but nonetheless, I snuggle into his side, his arm folding around my waist to hold me close to him. I lean against him, my head resting on his shoulder.

"What do you want to watch ?" He asks as he flips aimlessly through the channels. I just shrug, I actually do not really care, I just want to sit here, close to him, feeling his warmth and inhaling his scent, deluding myself into thinking he was mine.

He stops at some light hearted comedy, putting down the controller and drawing me even closer to him, kissing the top of my head softly.

I try to focus on the tv, but his fingers are slowly moving on my waist, like he is opening and closing his hand in slow motion, making it very hard for me to focus on anything else.

*Tom*
I feel my heart beating harder than it should. I am trying to sit completely still, almost not breathing. I am aware that my hand is feebly opening and closing, like it is searching for something, but I can't seem to stop it.

I am suddenly sure this might not have been such a good idea. I had just missed spending time with her so much. But my mind keep flashing back to that night. My body involuntarily reacts to the memories.

We both felt like awkward teenagers on our first date, or I know I do, and I am almost sure She feels the same. The boy has sneaked his arm around the girl in the cinema and now none of them really knows what to do next. Feeling nervous and silly but also very much excited and hopeful.

I have to admit to myself that I am torn. I can no longer find head and tails in my own feelings. I love Felicity, or do I actually ? Is it the memory of something lost that I keep clinging to ? Is it all down to me not wanting to break my promises ? And what do I actually feel about Celestia ? Like deep down. Is it just lust and desire like I keep telling myself ? Is it the fact that she is giving me the kids I wish for so badly ? Or is there more to it ?

"Tom, is something wrong ?" She asks, looking worriedly up at me.

Clearly I hadn't been able to keep the turmoil inside at bay and my feelings had shown on my face.

I am about to tell her that it is nothing, but my eyes get caught in hers and I kind of forget how to speak. She bites her lip nervously and I just throw all caution to the wind, kissing her soft lips and tasting her sweetness.