home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the end

           Matthew asked me to be his girlfriend on October 9th of 2012. We did something to celebrate our anniversary each year. Last year, we went to Disneyland, and the year before that, we went skiing in Colorado. Matt never informed me of our plans. He would just tell me what to pack and when to be ready. However, on the night before our anniversary, he announced that he would be working late and that I shouldn't wait up for him. I knew that meant he would be off partying, and though it would make him angry, I would wait up for him. 

          Regardless of whether or not he would admit it, Matthew had a problem. It had been a long time since I had seen him sober. He drank all day and then went out and drank all night. I always worried that one night he wouldn't make it home, so I always sat in the living room watching TV until the early hours of the morning when he would finally come back.

          On this particular night, I was watching 48 hours but not paying attention. I was trying to convince myself that he hadn't forgotten our anniversary and that whatever Matt had planned didn't start until tomorrow. I brewed myself  a coffee around two o'clock, determined to stay up until he got home. The sun was rising by the time he stumbled in the back door, looking even higher than usual. "You're up" he observed, flopping onto the couch and removing his shoes. "you didn't have to wait for me." "I know but I like to. I worry about you." I replied, standing up. "Baby I've told you, I'll be fine." Matthew reached out to hold my hand but I pretended not to see him. "Matthew, do you know what today is?" "Yes..." he hesitated, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. I crossed my arms. "Then what's today?" Matt fiddled his thumbs nervously, trying to think. "Today is...October...9th?" He said it questionably at first, but then his flushed face suddenly went white. "Today's the 9th. Oh my gosh baby I'm sorry, let me make it up to you." "You can't." I began to walk away from him and up the stairs. My feet were carrying me forward, but I couldn't believe I was doing this. Matt followed behind me  into our bedroom. "Yes I can. Ashton please, what are you doing?" 

          I grabbed a duffle bag from the closet and begin to empty my dresser drawers into it, tears running down my face. Matt wandered behind me like a lost puppy, his eyes beginning to water as well. I had never really seen him cry, and I knew if I looked back at him, I would forgive him. After packing what would fit in the bag and deciding I would come back for the rest later, I went back downstairs. Matt was still right on my heels. "You're not really leaving are you?" "Yes, I am. I can't do this anymore. The drinking, the drugs, it's too much. I knew your music was going to get  big but I never expected it to be like this. All you care about is partying. You haven't cared about me in a long time and we both know it. And now you forgot our anniversary?! I don't even know you anymore, I think I should give this back." It took everything in me to remove the ring from my finger and place it in Matt's hands. "Ashton no, please I'll stop." I was only several feet from the door now, and I could hear him sobbing, but wouldn't allow myself to look. My mind was made up.

          He fell to his knees, grabbing me by my ankle. "Ashton you can't do this to me. I can't be alone." It was a cry for help but I had been through enough and I knew I couldn't stay. "Get off of me Matthew." My chest hurt as if my heart may just break through it, but I tugged my foot free and walked out of the house, leaving my now ex fiancé crying on our living room floor. I questioned my decision almost immediately; I had just walked out on the love of my life. It was over for good now, or so I thought.