home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the plan

          My talk with Taylor was short and simple, and she said that her and Ryan would come to the hospital as soon as possible. Taylor had always been my support system, and she had faith in Mat and I, even at the hardest of times. Ryan could get Mat to open up about anything, and was truly the reason we fell in love. All four of us being together for the first time in months was such a reassuring thought. I was scrolling through Twitter, assuring their arrival, when Zac called.

          "Hey what's up?" I spoke softly so I wouldn't wake Matthew. "Hey babe, what are you up to tonight?" I was so sick of making excuses, so tired of contemplating which boy I wanted to spend time with. "I'm catching up with some old friends." It wasn't necessarily a lie, but I still felt bad about saying it. "Oh that's fun, maybe I could come. I know the holidays get hectic, but I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." "I don't think that's a good idea, my ex will be there. "Oh that's awkward." "Yeah...I'll text you later and we can plan on doing something this weekend." "Okay Ash just...make good decisions." Trying to sound as reassuring as possible, I responded "you have nothing to worry about. I'll talk to you later." "Okay bye." I hung up the phone, very aware that I hadn't been spending enough time with Zac, but also unable to explain why I couldn't bring myself to leave Mat's side.

          Taylor and Ryan showed up about an hour later. Matthew had just recently woken up and was on his phone. I tried to make conversation, but found it difficult to get him to cooperate, so I pretended to be busy on my phone as well. Taylor knocked and then processed to peak her head in the doorway. I invited them in and Mat put down his phone. "What are they doing here?" I knew how he was feeling, and I felt it too. It was so bizarre to have Taylor and Ryan, a part of our old life, here in front of us. Regardless, I sighed and attempted a friendlier welcome. "What Mat means to say is we're glad you're here." Taylor smiled and Ryan sat in the chair near the window, engaging in conversation with Mat. Taylor and I took a few steps away from the hospital bed so the boys couldn't hear us before beginning our own conversation.

          "Do you miss him?" "Of course I do." "Can you imagine a life with him?" This question was so much deeper than whether or not I loved Mat, and though I knew I could be honest with Taylor, I didn't know what to say. "I used to be able to." "Can you imagine a life without him in it?" "No." This was the truth, I couldn't imagine living a life that Mat was not in, whether it be in a romantic way or not.  "Do you think the spark is still there?" The questions were slightly overwhelming, but they made me think about what I really wanted. Unlike me, Taylor stuck with psychology she was now a high school counselor. "Absolutely." "Good, I was hoping you'd say that." "What? Why?" "You said Mat gets released from the hospital tomorrow right?" "Yeah." A small smile creeped onto her face. "I may have planned something for you two." "Taylor..." I placed my head in my hands, unprepared for what she was going to say next. 

          "Ash, I love you, Ryan loves you, and more than anything, Matt loves you. Everyone just wants things to work out for you two." "I know Taylor but things aren't that easy, we're not the same couple you once knew." "You didn't let me finish. So I might have called a wedding dress shop and a wedding cake tasting place and made reservations for you and Mat at both of them for  tomorrow." I hit her arm lightly, stepping aside. "Taylor you didn't. I'm not going." "You have to, it's part of my plan. You love him Ashton, I know you do. You two just need to be reminded of how special you are to one another and the future you have in front of you." "It's not going to work. Besides, I'm with Zac now." My stomach filled with butterflies at the thought of going wedding dress shopping tomorrow, though I knew there would be no wedding and that I had a boyfriend. "Please just make an effort." Taylor begged, looking over at the boys. At that moment, I made eye contact with Matthew, and I could tell him and Ryan had been discussing the same plan. His look was filled with a mix of dread and excitement, but I knew what that look meant; we were gonna do this.