home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the promise

Mathew's doctors informed him that he had cancer the morning after they told me. He didn't cry, and he had little to say. His only response was to ask if we could still get married on the fifth, as we had planned. It wasn't until after his doctors informed him that that was not possible that he began to weep. "Not possible? Please, I'll only be away from the hospital for a few hours. I need to get married, even if it's the last thing I do." He begged, looking at me with apologetic eyes. He was afraid that I would be angry, but how could I be? In that moment, the only feelings I had for that boy were sympathy, love, and fear. I think I would've been okay if someone told me we would never get married, if that meant that Mat could live. Though doctors tried to pursuade Matthew that it was in his best interest not to leave the hospital in upcoming weeks, he wouldn't budge, insisting that we have our wedding on the fifth. His stubbornness always did work to his advantage. An intern walked out of the room to grab paperwork, and told Mat that if he signed it, he would be able to leave the hospital on our wedding day, but it would mean that he was ignoring medical attention and that they would not be responsible for whatever happened to him. Without hesitation, he signed his signature on the line and handed the papers back to the young woman. I approached him with caution, afraid that if I accidentally took one wrong step, the machines keeping my fiancé functioning may cease to work. "Babe, it's alright if we have to postpone the wedding. Your health always comes first, you know that." With that statement, I was also trying to convince myself that Mat's health always comes first. I had to put aside my fantasies of a perfect wedding, at least for the time being. However, Matthew shook his head and grabbed for my hand. "No, no, we'll get married on May 5th, just like we planned." "Maybe the preacher could come and initiate the wedding here in the hospital." I suggested, not wanting to do anything that put the health of the boy I loved at risk. "Absolutely not, you want a fairytale wedding and that's what you'll get." Seeing the exhaustion and pain in his eyes, I decided to oblige. I smiled softly and kissed his forehead. "Okay my love." I sat down in a chair and the conversation between us came to a close, leaving only the TV to provide sound for the hospital room. "Oh and Ash?" Mat questioned, sitting up further in bed to make eye contact with me. "Yeah?" "If I die..." I felt my heart drop. My least favorite topic was Matthew's inevitable death, but he loved to bring it up. Whenever things weren't going so well, he forced me to have a conversation with him about what would happen if he died. "Mat can we please not do this right now?" "As I was saying, if I die, please promise me that you'll move on and find someone else." "Babe..." "No Ash I'm serious. If I die, I want you to find someone else and be happy." Even  thinking about Mat dying was enough to bring tears to my eyes. "Mat, you're the only person I'll ever want." He closed his eyes in frustration. "Ashton, I've had a really rough morning and all I need right now is for you to promise me that when I die, you'll be okay without me." I wouldn't be okay, but I knew that I could not admit that to him, so I nodded. "I promise."

author's note:
hey you guys! I know it's been so long since I've updated this story and I feel like I'm always making excuses about why I don't update but I truly don't know where this story is going. I'm not really ready to end it yet but I'm struggling to decide what I want to happen next. I'll try to update more often, and as always, leave comments about what you might like to see happen. I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)