home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the bath

          I sat in the bathtub, holding my knees up against my chest, listening to the quiet drip of the fossett. The water was warm, though I believed nothing could fill the intense, cold feeling inside of me. I grabbed my phone once again to see if Zac had called or texted, but he hadn't. I was beginning to realize that if I wanted him, I would need to put in the effort and call him first. 

          I heard the door creak open, but didn't bother looking towards it as Mat entered the bathroom. "Hey babydoll...mind if I join you?" I wasn't sure who or what I wanted anymore, but I always felt safe in Mat's company. "Not at all." He stripped himself of his clothes, cautiously getting into the tub as to not splash the water. "I'm sorry about Zac, I don't know what got into me. You should call him to clear things up." I shook my head, looking down at my chipping blue fingernails. "I don't want to, not yet at least." "He's a good guy Ash, it just doesn't seem like you two have what we had. I want to be happy for you but I can't unless I know you're happy." I was disappointed to hear someone else vocalize what I had been feeling the whole time I was dating Zac. I wanted to believe that we had something special and that I was simply still grieving my breakup, but even Mat noticed Zac and I didn't really have a connection. I wasn't sure if I'd ever have a connection with anyone like the one I have with Matthew.

          "I know we don't, but he's okay for now." "Yeah, for now. But you don't actually see a future with that guy do you?" I shrugged. "I don't know Mat." "Well you need to make a decision, I'm sick of this." "Fine, then I'll go apartment shopping tomorrow. I'll be out of this house and we can stop doing this." I stood up from the bath, not even bothering to grab a towel and allowing my body to drip water onto the tile floor. "No Ash, you don't have to do that. Just dump Zac. Come back to the bath." He held his hand out and I obliged, grabbing it and stepping back into the bathtub but scootching my back against the back wall of the tub so I was as far from Mat as possible. He sighed, looking at me with eyes that still made my heart skip a beat. "Don't be like this baby, come here." His arms were welcoming and I was tired of fighting, so I moved towards him, allowing him to wrap his arms around me.

          His embrace was warm, and no matter how angry I was with him, the feeling of his skin against mine always left me in a trance. He kissed my neck gently and I smiled, trying my best to forget the events that occurred earlier that night. My phone rang and I leaned towards the side of the tub to look at it where it was sitting on the bathroom rug. It was Zac, and I took my hand out of the water to press accept. Mat grabbed my waist tightly and gritted his teeth. "Do not answer that Ashton." I nodded, intimidated but still so into him, and leaned back against his body. If what Zac had to say was important, he would leave a message. 

          I turned around to kiss Matthew, and placing my hands on his chest, I was taken aback. "You don't have the engagement ring necklace on." "Oh yeah I took it off, I thought it would be best to put it away in a drawer for awhile. Until we figure things out at least." "Oh." I don't know why I was upset, it made me uncomfortable when I first found out he had kept the ring, but it hurt me even more that he had now chosen to take it off. "I'll put it back on if it makes you happy." Matthew kissed my jaw line in an attempt to calm me, but I moved my head. "I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go to bed." "Ashton don't, you know I still love you. I just took it off for safe keeping. Don't get mad at me again." "I'm not mad, just tired." It was true, I wasn't mad. I was stressed and confused and there were two boys who I loved with my whole heart and no matter how much time passed, I wasn't sure what to do about it. I changed into Mat's sweatpants and a Harvard sweatshirt I borrowed from Zac and situated myself under the blankets, fading into sleep.