home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the meeting

          Mat was the one who opened the door, and was immediately taken aback by Zac's size. Mat was taller than me, but only by a few inches, and Zac was easily a head taller than he was. They stared at each other for a moment before I interrupted the silence by kissing Zac on the lips. "Hey babe, c'mon in." Matthew stepped out of the doorway to let him in, and we entered the living room. Mac approached the stranger cautiously, but decided he liked him when Zac began to pet behind his ears.

          "Why didn't you tell me you moved? This house is gorgeous." "I don't know, it slipped my mind I guess. It's Matthew's house but he offered to let me move in because he has extra rooms." "And how do you know Mat?" Zac was sitting on the couch but Mat stayed standing, pacing the room and occasionally glancing at Zac. He was the one who spoke up to answer the question. "Oh we're old friends, isn't that right Ash?" I nodded, feeling very uncomfortable in the situation.   "Can I get you something to drink Zac?" I asked, looking for an excuse to leave the room. "A beer would be great, thanks sweetie. Do you want one Mat?" Mat looked at his feet nervously, his cheeks turning red. He looked at me to answer for him. "He doesn't drink, but I'll get you one. I'll be right back."

          Though there was plently of beer in the kitchen, I went out to the fridge in the garage to escape from the boys for a minute. I hated having both of them in the same room, knowing I had feelings for them both. I hated Zac having no idea that until six weeks ago, I was engaged to Mat. The whole situation was pain stakingly awkward, and I couldn't imagine what Matthew could have in store for the night. I grabbed a beer, a cherry Coke for me, and a Sprite for Mat, and walked back in the house. Mat was sitting now, his arms crossed as he interigated Zac.

          "So how long have you known Ashton?" "We've been going out for a few weeks." "And you really like her?" Zac wrapped an arm around me as I sat down, handing him his beer. "Yeah, I do."  "What's her middle name?" Zac looked at me, clearly taken aback. "I'm not sure." "It's Elizabeth. What's her favorite food?" "Sushi." I could feel the tension between them. "Lucky guess." Mat mumbled, taking a sip of his soda. "How many kids does she want?" "I don't know, do you?" "Three, all boys. You don't know her at all." "And who are you to tell me I don't know her?" "Who am I? I'm her ex fiancé." Zac took his arm from around me and stood up. "Is that true?" My whole body felt hot and I felt so betrayed by Mat. "Yes." "And you're living with him?!" He walked towards the front door. "Zac no it's not like that." "Uh yes it is." Mat replied. "No, don't listen to him. I just needed a place to stay and he offered." "Oh yeah, I'm sure that's what happened." I grabbed his wrist. "Don't go Zac, let's talk about this. You know how much I like you."  "Whatever, call me when you're ready to tell me the truth." He walked out, closing the door in my face.

          I went back to the living room and pushed Matthew. "You asshole! Why did you have to do that? You know I like him!" "He deserved to know the truth, you can't go behind his back forever. Besides, you don't need him, you have me." I was angry and frustrated, and willing to say anything to make him as upset as he made me. "I don't want you! Don't you get that?! I do need him, I want him! Zac's my boyfriend now and it's about time you excepted that. I don't need you Matthew!" His face fell. "Ash, you don't mean that, relax." He placed his hands in mine, trying to calm me. "Stop it! I'm sick of playing this game with you. We're not together anymore Mat!" "We could be. What about today? We were planning our wedding, we were happy. Every day could be like that. I love you Ashton." I loved him too, more than anything, and I wanted to believe in a world where every day could be like that, but we were both selfish and stubborn and I didn't know how long I could fight for us. 

         I stayed quiet, turning my back to him as I fought back tears. "I bought that dress today because I still know I'm gonna marry you someday. You're my soulmate Ash, and I couldn't live this life without you. Tell me you'll marry me." I felt so broken, so worthless, so guilty. I never wanted to have a relationship like this. My parents fought during my whole childhood, to a point that I was relieved when they told me they were getting a divorce. I promised I would never be like them, that I would always be in love with the person I chose to marry and that we would make it work, no matter how hard things got. They got divorced eight years ago, and now, as I've grown up, I've begun to see things from their point of view. I know Mat is the only one for me, but no matter how hard we try, I don't know if we can ever work it out. "I'm going to go take a bath." I said in a voice not much louder than a whisper. I didn't wait for his response before going up the stairs. Tears ran down my face, but crying was so normal now that I almost didn't acknowledge it. The secret was out to Zac, and I had no idea where to go from here.