home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the reunion

          I awoke to the creaking of the hospital room door opening. Two women rolled the bed back into the room. Matt was hooked up to an IV and his eyes were closed, but the heart monitor showed he was still alive, and that's all I could ask for. The younger of the two women stepped forward and looked at me. I stood up and greeted her. "Hi, are you Matthew's sister?" "No I'm his fiancé." It felt sort of good to lie, to act as if everything was how it used to be. "Okay, the surgery went well. We have no way to know how long he'll be asleep. It could be minutes, hours, days...if it's more than two weeks we begin to discuss taking him off life support and that's a decision you will get to make." Taken aback, I nodded and looked at Matt, laying helplessly in the bed. "Please try to talk to him, that sometimes can help patients wake up. We'll be back to check on him in an hour, but if you need us, there's a button next to the bed."

          The two women left, and TJ was still sleeping. I was alone with Matthew, something that had become so foreign to me. I reached out to hold his hand, but before I could establish how I felt, I heard TJ moving in his seat. "He's still sleeping." I told TJ and he stood up to stand by his brother's side. "He didn't cover up the tattoo of my initials" I observed, tracing the letters of the tattoo with my finger. TJ furrowed his eyebrows slightly. "Of course he didn't. He really does think you're coming back." "I know he does." "Well are you?" It was the hardest question I ever had to answer, holding my ex fiancé's hand, which displayed a permanent mark of his love for me. He knew me better than anyone, but he was an addict and now he was sick, and I had started to date Zac. Even if I wanted to be with him, I wasn't sure if I could. "I don't think so." TJ nodded slightly in response before asking "then what are you doing here?" I didn't give an answer because I wasn't sure. All I was sure of was that I couldn't leave him yet, not like this. I felt him squeeze my hand and slowly open his eyes. "Hi," I smiled. He looked confused and weak. His lips were chapped and his throat dry but he forced out the words "you're here." I ran my hand through his hair and placed it on his cheek. "I am, how do you feel?" He ignored the question. "Are you staying?" 

          I knew he didn't mean whether or not I was staying at the hospital. He wanted to know if when this was all over, I would come  home with him. Giving him the answer hurt just as bad as it did the first time, almost two months ago. "No Matty, I'm sorry." He used the little strength he had to pull his hand away from mine. "Then why are you here?" "I care about you." "No you don't." TJ placed a hand on his shoulder. "Matt please don't do this right now." Matt looked away, and for the first time in my life, I actually saw him cry. He tried to hold it back but he couldn't, so he pretended to be looking out the window, and I pretended I hadn't noticed. "Both of you leave. I want to be alone." TJ grabbed my arm and walked with me towards the door. "C'mon, we'll go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. We can come check on him later." I had no appetite but I followed him, willing to do anything to try to get the picture of Matthew crying out of my mind.