home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the helpless boy

          Even after our conversation, Matthew continued not to eat, and I continued pretending not to notice. He took his pills some days, but other days they lay forgotten on his bedside table. I thought that after I promised him that I loved him and wasn't embarrassed by him, he would go back to being his happy, charismatic self. I was wrong and it hurt me, realizing that there was nothing I could do or say to make him feel better. 

            When I wasn't worrying about my fiancé, I was busy planning our wedding. I found myself spending the majority of my time with Taylor, chatting about appetizers and which flowers should be in my bouquet. She was my best friend. She knew more about me than anyone, and I was so glad to have her back in my life as we excitedly awaited my wedding to the boy she had introduced me to so many years ago. 

            It was a Thursday afternoon and Taylor had just left my house. We had gotten a lot done that day, deciding on a menu and how the invitations would look. Everything seemed so perfect, and my heart was full of love for Mat and my friends who helped me bring my fairytale wedding to life. I was sitting on the couch with Mac in my lap, petting him and scrolling through  Instagram on my phone. Matthew was upstairs, as he had been all day. I assumed he was watching TV or taking a nap, but I didn't much care. I knew that he would soon come downstairs when he got lonely and wanted my attention. I made myself comfortable on the couch, pulling a blanket over my body and placing a throw pillow behind my head. I was on Twitter when I heard footsteps in the upstairs hallway. They didn't follow the same pattern that Mat's usually did; they were heavy and slow and ocassionaly I would hear a loud sound, as if he stumbled into the wall. I turned off my phone and sat up straight, trying to listen closer. I had only been listening for a few seconds when I heard a heavy thud. Mac jumped up from the couch and ran towards the staircase, barking. I followed behind him to see Matthew, sitting slumped over at the bottom of the staircase, his head in his hands.

          "Mat...what happened?" I sat down next to him, trying not to panic as I placed my hand on his arm. "I don't know. I haven't been taking my pills and it's been a while since the last time I ate and I just...passed out I guess. I was only out for a couple of seconds, I feel fine now." He struggled to push himself up on his thin arms, but fell back into his seated position. "Poor baby, c'mon let's get you up. I'll make you something to eat and we'll get you to the hospital." I stood up and offered him my hand to assist him in getting up as well, but he slapped it away. "I'm not helpless Ashton! You don't need to worry about me all the time, I can do things for myself." He tried once again to get on his feet, and when he was unable to, he looked away, ashamed. "Matty, please let me help you. We'll get you to the hospital." "I'm fine." He replied, his voice shaky. "No you're not. You really need to start taking care of yourself, you're making me nervous these days." He turned to look at me, his green eyes misty. "I don't want to take care of myself, can't you understand that? I hate that my life is dependent on a handful of pills and a specific diet. I want my old life back. I want to be able to go out and party and not have to worry about my health. I want to be with you without things being weird. I just wish I could go back in time and change some things." I sighed and sat on the bottom step of the staircase. "Mat, things between us aren't weird. We're getting married, we're going to make it." He shook his head. "It'll never be the same. Even after we're married for years, there will still be this lingering awkwardness between us because we broke off our engagement. We'll never be young, healthy, and in love again and it's all my fault." I squeezed his hand. "Matthew, nothing is your fault. You are my best friend and the best lover I could ask for. I need you to be around for a while, which means you need to watch out for your health. Please let me take you to the hospital." He used my hand to lift himself to his feet, his legs wobblings slightly as he did so. "Fine, but I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for you."

author's note:

hey guys, sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I got really busy with exams at school but I'm back to updating on a regular schedule now. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and are ready for more to come :)