home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the tuxedo

          In the following weeks, I fell in love with Mat all over again. He was the boy I'd always known, the boy my heart yearned for, my better half. For the first time in a long time, I heard him laugh. Not that half chuckle he did when I said something funny and he wasn't paying attention, but a genuine laugh that made his eyes water and his stomach cramp in the best possible way.  Matthew got back into music, writing down lyrics on napkins and scraps of paper everywhere we went and playing me demos of things he was working on. He was proud of his art, and I was even prouder of him. We were happy, happier than we had been in a long time, and I couldn't ask for anything more. 

          On the Friday three weeks before our wedding, Mat and I went shopping to find the tuxedo he was going to wear on the big day. Though suit shopping was far less luxurious than wedding dress shopping, it meant we were one step closer to being married, and that filled me with a euphoric sensation I couldn't exactly explain. I followed behind my fiancé in the store as he picked up suits and I continuously shook my head no. When we both agreed that we liked a gray tuxedo enough for him to try it on, Matthew went into the dressing room to try it on. I sat down on a chair, a mess of excitement and nerves, waiting for him.

           I was sitting on my phone when he walked out. "Ash?" "Yes baby?" I put my phone down and looked up at him. It was then that I realized I had never seen Mat so dressed up. We went to red carpet events, but he never looked like this. He looked so attractive, so sophisticated, and I was so in love. I must've had a bizarre look on my face because he said "So does that look mean it look good or should I change?" I stood up and straightened his tie. "No, no, it looks great." "Are you sure?..." "I'm positive." I took a step away to admire him. "I love you Mat." "I love you too." We shared a kiss in the middle of the store, not caring who was around us. I intertwined my fingers in his and smiled. "Here's to a lifetime together."  Matthew hesitated for a moment before responding "Here's to spending my lifetime together, however short it may be." "Stop that, you're going to be just fine. You're okay now baby." He sighed and returned to the dressing room. I stood outside of the door to continue our conversation. "I'm okay for now my love but that doesn't mean I'm going to be okay forever. I'll always be chronically ill, and that's never going to change, regardless of how happy I am or how much you love me." I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on as he exited the dressing room in his regular clothes. "Okay well can you just stop being a buzz kill, at least until the wedding?" He gave me a small smile, walking towards the cash register. "Whatever will make you happy." What would truly make me happy was to turn back the clock to before I feared for the health and happiness of the man I loved, but that was not possible, so I just took his hand and kissed his cheek lightly, grateful for the time we had together.