ashton williams always knew matthew musto was the one, but his fame as singer blackbear and addiction change everything. after ending their engagement, ashton tries to live a normal life and forget about her ex fiancé. when unfortunate circumstances...
On the Monday of Matt's birthday, I somehow woke up with my head on his chest, despite falling asleep on the other side of the bed. For reasons I could not explain, he had convinced me to sleep in the same bed as him yet again. It was comforting, but a habit I needed to break. I was with Zac now, who was teaching me what love was supposed to look like; simple and only a fraction of as painful as what I had been through with Matt. In fact, I was planning to go clubbing with Zac that night. Matthew had been falling asleep very early since he was released from the hospital, so I assumed he wouldn't mind wrapping up the celebration early so I could go out.
I quietly got up, careful not to wake him, and made my way downstairs. I was still in my pajamas, a Thrasher t-shirt with red underwear and fuzzy socks. I was standing at the stove where I was cooking eggs and sausage when I felt two arms wrap around my waist. Matt placed his head on my shoulder, his body close up against mine. I knew exactly what he wanted, but instead of pushing him away, I decided to play into the fantasy that this birthday was the same as the other five we had spent together. "Happy birthday, how'd you sleep?" "Good, what are you doing?" His breath was warm against my neck. "Cooking." I responded, moving from his grip to grab the cheese from the fridge. "It's still early. You wanna come back up to bed?" Matt was leaning against the counter, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips. I debated the question for a minute before turning the stove off. I went up to my ex fiancé, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Sure, no need to ruin the birthday tradition after all these years." Matt smiled and kissed me gently, causing my heart to flutter. "Let's go baby." I chased him up the stairs, not able to reach our bedroom fast enough.
We laid there in silence for a few minutes afterwards before Matt lit a cigarette and turned to look at me. "I missed you." "You too." It was true; that had felt so normal, Matt felt so much like home. "Do you want your present?" He nodded and I got up from the bed and walked to my closet, where I had hid his gift. Buying for Matthew was always hard, and this year was harder than usual for obvious reasons, so I was nervous as I handed him the gift. He removed the tissue paper carefully and removed the items one at a time. I had gotten him ten packs of his favorite brand of cigarettes, a red sweater, and a silver ring with a large green stone in the middle of it. "Thank you." He smiled, and we kissed as if kissing was just something we once again did on a normal basis. The nostalgia was so comforting, but I wondered if this could truly be a reality.
Matt decided he wanted to relax for the rest of the day. In fact, he had just woken up from a nap and went downstairs to watch TV when I started to get ready to go out with Zac. I felt guilty, knowing I had just cheated on him that same morning, but he was a good guy and I wasn't going to dump him just because I made a dumb, spur of the moment decision to sleep with Matt. After looking through every piece of clothing I owned, I decided on a black dress Matt bought me last Christmas and strappy black heels. The black dress was revealing, but for the first time since I left Matt, I felt comfortable in myself, knowing I had a new boyfriend who found me attractive. I grabbed my purse and went downstairs, ready to spend the night with Zac.
"Where are you going?" I tried to sneak out the back door without Matthew noticing, but it was too late. He had paused his episode of Rick & Morty and was looking at me disapprovingly. "I'm going out with Zac." "Not dressed like that you're not." Matt had always been a jealous person, and though I once found it indearing, I was now uncomfortable, wishing he would let me leave without having this conversation. "What's wrong with this dress? You got it for me." "Yeah, for you to wear when you went out with me. MY girl isn't going out without me looking like that." I crossed my arms over my partially exposed chest. "I'm not your girl." Matt rolled his eyes and mumbled "you didn't feel that way this morning." Annoyed, I walked over and stood by him. "Don't be a child Matthew. You need to stop assuming I'm going to just crawl back to you and then getting upset when it doesn't happen. I'm with Zac now, and he's everything you never were. He's supportive, and kind, and stable, and not an addict who cares more about his money and his lifestyle than his health. Me sleeping with you means nothing. I'm not yours, and frankly, I don't know if I ever was."
With those words, I walked out, letting the door slam behind me. I sat in the car without going anywhere for several minutes, trying to figure out what had come over me. I still had so much anger built up at Matt for the events leading up to me leaving him. There were still parts of him I hated, and though we had just had a good day together, I couldn't put those feelings aside. I posted a mirror selfie in my outfit on Instagram and pulled out of the driveway, determined to focus on Zac and only Zac that night.
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ashwilliams: you don't own me🖤
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zacbarber: you're such a babe
amberwilliams: my little sis is gorgeous, come visit soon!!❤️
