home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the psych ward

             Once again, Matthew and I were occupying a hospital room, anxiously awaiting a doctor. It had started raining outside, a rare occurance in the usually hot, dry city of Los Angeles, and I watched it tap on the windows. I didn't recognize the doctor that greeted us after we had been sitting in silence for a half hour. I knew almost every doctor and nurse in this place by now, but this man, old and handsome with light eyes and graying hair, was a stranger. He introduced himself as a psychologist, a title that made both me and my fiancé uncomfortable. Mat was physically sick, not mentally. He needed a doctor, not a therapist, but I nodded along as the man spoke, intrigued as to what he had to say. 

            It seemed as if he would never stop speaking, pacing around the small, white room as he flipped through a stack of papers, deciding on what to say. The doctor, who went by Dr. Mendez, suggested that Matthew may need to stay in the psych ward for a couple of weeks. He pointed out that while it was clear that Mat had a serious condition, it was also clear that it was affecting him negatively both mentally and emotionally. He was aware that he could die, and that mixed with the pressure of our relationship had caused him to sink into a deep depression. Matthew was refusing to listen to the doctor, swearing that he was fine. He promised that they could simply adjust his medication and send him home and everything would be okay. However, Dr. Mendez was not as easily convinced. He looked at me to back him up on his stance.

           I nodded and took Mat by the hand. "I think he's right baby. It could be good for you. Stay here, get better, and I'll be waiting for you as soon as you come home." He pulled his hand away and crossed his arms over his chest. "Absolutely not. I'm not insane, I don't need to stay in a psych ward." Dr. Mendez approached the hospital bed. "Mr. Musto, I believe the psych ward could really help you. It's normal for people with conditions as severe as yours to struggle adapting to the new way of life. It's a lot to take in, and your reaction, while expected, is not healthy for you. Here at the hospital, you can be monitored. We can make sure you are well fed and taking your medication. When you are in a better mental state and are coping better with your disease, you will be freed to go home. Your girlfriend can visit every Saturday during visiting hours, which are from noon until five." I could tell Mat was irritated now, his eyebrows frowning and causing a crease in his forehead. "She can only come once a week?" "We just don't think seeing Ashton often is the best thing for you right now. You two spend all of your time together, some time apart could do you good." Matthew sat up straight now, staring at the man. "You think Ash is part of my problem? She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. She's the only thing in my life worth living for, and you're not going to take that away from me." Dr. Mendez placed a hand on my fiancé's shoulder. "Mr. Musto, please calm down. We do not see fault in your girlfriend..." "She's my fiancé." "Fiancé, I'm sorry. We don't see fault in your fiancé, we just think you can better heal mentally if you two spend some time away from one another." As hard as the doctor's decision was for me, I needed Mat to get better, and I was willing to try anything to make that happen. "It'll be alright Matty." I reassured him, rubbing his arm. "Promise?" He asked, looking up at me. "Yes, I promise. I should get going now, I'll see you on Saturday, I love you."

          Matthew held my hand as I got up and began to walk away until I was too far for him to continue grasping the tips of my fingers. Our physical contact was broken, and though we were still in the same room, I felt so far from him. I took one last look at him and forced myself to leave. It was still raining, and I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head as I walked through the crowded parking lot towards the car. When I got back with Mat, I vowed to myself that we'd never be apart again. Yet now, I was leaving him alone in the hospital with doctors I didn't know who promised that they knew how to fix him better than I did. As I drove back to the house Matthew and I shared, I forced myself to think of the greater good; that he would eventually come home and we'd get married, able to live the life we had always dreamed of. However, something always seemed to get in the way, and I wasn't sure how much of that fairytale could become a reality.