home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the christmas breakfast

            It was 9:12 on Christmas morning and Matthew had yet to wake up. I hadn't left the hospital since I got there two days prior, not wanting to miss the moment when he opened his eyes. Mat's mom got into town in the early hours of Christmas Eve, and was somehow able to keep herself together. She hadn't even shed one tear. I called my father to let him know I wouldn't be attending Christmas Eve dinner, and though he was irritated, as he often was, he understood. It didn't feel like Christmas at all, and I questioned if it would be the last one Matthew and I would spend together. 

            Mrs. Musto arrived at the hospital from her hotel that morning wearing a Christmas sweater and a smile. She put down her purse and kissed her son's cheek, sitting with me next to his bed. "You have to leave the hospital sometime sweetie." "No I don't, I can't leave him alone." She placed her hands on top of mine and looked at me. "You've barely eaten since I got here, let's go get breakfast." I shrugged, looking at Mat, whose mouth was open slightly. "I'm not hungry." "C'mon Ash, it's Christmas. I promise he'll be right here when we get back." I finally agreed, standing up and grabbing my jacket. I didn't want to leave Matthew, but it didn't do anything to sit with him, especially if he may never wake up.

             We got breakfast at the Denny's across the street, and I ordered pancakes and hash browns, but barely touched them. The restaurant was quiet, filled with those trying to escape the hospital on a day that should be so joyous. A Christmas tree was decorated by the front window and wreaths were on the wall above each table, but it had never felt less like the holidays. As I lifted my coffee mug to my lips, Mrs. Musto stared at my left hand, my ring finger naked without the engagement ring.

              "TJ told me you and Matthew called off the wedding." She put down her fork, ready to talk. "Oh." I looked down at my plate, ashamed and feeling foolish that I had ever left Mat in the first place. "I understand sweetie, I know Mat is a handful, trust me, I raised him. Sadly, he takes after his father, but he has good qualities too, and even if you can't always see it, he loves you more than anything." I took a small bite of my hash browns, realizing I was hungry, even though I had felt nauseous since I checked Mat into the hospital. "I know he does, and I want to marry him, but it seems like everything is keeping us apart. Besides, I'm with someone else, and he makes my life so much simpler. I came from a broken home, and I've seen the way love can tear people apart. I can't do that to Mat, I can't live in a world where we hate each other. I love him, and for that reason, I don't know if we can be together." Mrs. Musto reached out to hold my hand, an action that never failed to calm me.

             "I know Ashton, what you believe is true love doesn't always work out. Mat's father and I split up before he was even born, even though I swore he was the one. Looking back now, almost thirty years later, I know I never really loved him. Matthew's stepdad is the only one for me, and I can't imagine my life without him. The two happiest days of my life were our wedding, and the day he chose to adopt Mat. It finally made us all a family by law, and I felt so complete. What you and Matthew have is real, and you deserve to be together. I can't promise it'll always be easy, but it'll be worth it. I know you two can work it out." I nodded and stayed silent for a long moment, processing what she had told me. "I really do want to work things out, but I can't if he never wakes up." Once again, I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I wasn't even embarrassed about crying in a Denny's on Christmas morning. 

          "Ashton he's going to be okay. Here, I have something for you." Feeling flustered and uncomfortable with my display of emotions, she slid a large box that was poorly wrapped in red wrapping paper across the table. "I went to visit your mom yesterday and this was under the tree. It's for you from Mat." I ran my finger under the creases in the wrapping paper, causing the tape to come undone. Under the paper was a white box, and I removed the top to reveal my present. On top was my engagement ring box. I opened it and placed the ring on my finger, admiring it. It had been so long since I had worn it, and it filled me with a new sense of pride, thinking that I was engaged to Matthew Musto, even though I knew it wasn't true. There was also a pair of strappy heels that I had pointed out to him back when we were engaged, and a silver bracelet with a charm on it. The charm was an M, and was decorated with diamonds. The last thing in the box was the wedding dress he had bought me several weeks prior. I had almost forgotten about it, but it looked even more beautiful now than it did when I first tried it on. I held it close to my chest, feeling a sense of security knowing that Matthew was the last one to touch it before me. It made everything feel okay to be holding something he held before he was where he was now, laying seemingly lifeless in a hospital bed. He was so thoughtful, such a good gift giver,  and I stared at the contents of the box, scattered on the breakfast table. The gift showed that he was genuinely trying to change, and still wanted to marry me after all we'd been through. My heart was broken, knowing that Matthew was still unconscious, and that I may never get the chance to tell him whether or not I would marry him.