home to you: a blackbear fanfiction

the talk

          Being at the hospital was just as stressful as it was the first time, but now, I didn't have TJ to console me. I texted him, but it was close to 7:00 AM on the East Coast, and I was sure he was still sleeping. I resented him slightly for putting me in charge of Mat; for allowing me to go through the torture I felt when I left my fiancé each day. Yet a part of me was still hoping that somehow in all of this chaos, we might just work it out.

          The doctor, the same large, middle aged man that had done Matthew's surgery, assured me that he would be fine and thanked me for bringing him in so quickly. They hooked him up to an IV so he could get fluids and brought him a variety of pills . He refused to talk to me, or anyone really as he layed in bed, staring at the ceiling. Mat looked run down and defeated, but more than anything, he looked embarrassed. He had drank though he knew it could kill him, and I caught him in the act. Though he didn't want to admit it, even to himself, Mat was an addict; he couldn't stop.          

          Mat was sleeping when one of his nurses who I also recognized from his first hospital visit entered the room. She was probably in her late fifties and her nametag read "Amelia Jacob." She sat down in a chair next to me, and we both watched Matthew sleep for a minute, his chest rising and falling slightly, before she spoke. "I've been working here for almost thirty years now. I've seen a lot of couples come and go. People have fallen in and out of love in this hospital, but very rarely do I see someone that loves their partner as much as that boy loves you. He brags about you when you're not here and stares at you when you are. And sweetie, you can try to hide it from the doctors and nurses as much as you want, but I can tell you two are having problems. I know it's hard; loving someone in such a fragile condition, but I promise he wants to get better for you. Give him some time, you'll never find anyone who loves you like Matthew does."

          I hated to admit she was right. Mat had always shown me all the love in the world, and for that I was forever grateful. However, I wasn't sure how long I could wait around, hoping Mat would get better. "He's my ex. He wants to work things out but I'm seeing someone else and it's hard. Things just aren't the same as they used to be." It was nice to come clean, even though it was to a woman I barely knew. "Does he make you feel the way Matthew does?" "What?" "The boy you're seeing, do you love him like you love Matthew?" "I don't love Matthew anymore." I wasn't sure whether that was the truth, but I wanted so badly for it to be. Mrs. Jacob sighed. "Well do you love this new boy like you used to love Matthew?" I shrugged and she got up from her seat, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Well I would think about it if I were you. You two have something really special." The nurse began to walk out, but a sudden thought came to my head, and I stopped her. "Can Mat have visitors?" "Of course. I'm going to check on another patient but I'll be back to check on Matthew before the end of the day."

          I decided to call the two people who knew mine and Mat's love story better than anyone; Taylor and Ryan. I wanted them to come, to see Matthew in this state. Sometimes I believed that they understood us better than we did, and I needed them to tell me what to do.