Always Been You

Twenty four

Farewell

"So, you are really pushing through with your plans?" malungkot na turing ni Joyce isang tanghali pagkatapos kong ipinagpaalam sa hospital admin ang plano kong umalis ng hospital dito sa Glendale.  It is not a question but stating a one fact. She is referring to my choice of returning to the Philippines.

Siya din ang naging nakapalagayan ko ng loob next to Chad.  Kaya di niya naitago ang pagkadismaya sa nalaman.

Nilingon ko siya while unwrapping the microwave heated snack pack.  We chose to eat here at cafeteria to save time and effort.  I have to finish some more pending works given the time frame of my resignation.

Even the resignation was agreed upon by the board of trustees, still the same will be open to my favor the moment i decided to come back.  Still not vivid as my definite mind may foresee.

"How did you know?" pagod kong usisa sa kanya.  I may not be always involved with people here but friends like them would take time to spend moments with me.  Naging close ko na rin siya thru Chad sa lumipas na mga taon.

"Of course through Chad, sino pa ba?" mataray na sagot nito sa akin.  I know, ayaw niya na umalis ako dito.  she just masked her sadness by sounded hard towards me and I understand that.  Ganun naman talaga sa buhay, it would be better if you will be the one to leave than being left alone.

"It would be for the better joyce.  Hindi pwedeng habambuhay na lang ako magtatago sa pagharap ng nakaraan." naging mahinahon ako sa bawat salita na binitiwan ko.  All this time, this is what I wanted them to understand.  That I won't allow myself to live in fear and uncertainties that's been with me for years of staying here in Glendale.

The always shielded me. But I want to come out from their care.  Pagod na akong palagi nagtatago.

Dumadami na ang pumasok ng cafeteria.  Inaaliw namin panoorin ang mga kumakain sa loob.  Some of the employees nodded at us as a sign of recognition. ang that we cordially acknowledged them back.

After few moments of silence, she smiled weakly at me and said, "I know... just take care Laurice."

Making decisions could be hard if you know there is no turning back.  Isinandal ko ang pagod kong katawan sa swivel chair. I've had enough work for the day.  Pakiramdam ko walang katapusan ang ginagawa ko. 

Hindi madali ang responsibilidad na nakaatang sa akin.  But I like to do things this way. 

Ayoko na walang challenge.  I feel like there is no life on it kapag palaging play safe tayo.

I almost drowned to deep sleep when I heard a buzz.  I was told to proceed to conference room which I most obligingly.

"Don't forget to visit us here once in a while Laurice.  Huwag mo kaming kalimutan ha." nilingon ko si Chad who sounded emotional but still want to joke about it. 

Matipid ko siyang nginitian.  Coming back here would mean I conceded on my purpose.  That I still cannot live with it which is malayo naman sa gusto kong mangyari.

They throw me despedida party.  It was participated by all doctors and head nurses.  It was an intimate affair though.  Buti nalang I still wear my casual outfit. 

They invited some media personality to cover their so called not goodbye for me.  Pinagbigyan ko na lang.  Ayaw ko na silang kontrahin sa anumang gusto nila since hindi naman nila ako pinahirapan sa request ko.

"Its nice working with Dr. Laurice. But we are still hopeful of working with you in the future." Mahigpit akong niyakap ng hospital admin pati iba pang executives ng hospital. 

"It is an honor to be trained and working with you Dr. Clark."

For almost five years of my life here, they have been good to me.  Di mam maiwasan ang discremination among the few but my achievement proved them wrong.  They later on appreciated my skills and knowledge.

Sometimes, you appreciate a person if you are with him or her and shared a lot of things together or not.  First impressions didn't last long.

I am in between sadness and joy but I know how far did I go to prove to myself what I can do best.